My First Ragnar

My friend Amber (mybirthwrite.com) texted me saying she was running a Ragnar Relay and she may have a spot on her team if I was open to it. I had wanted to try running a Ragnar since my friend Meredith had run one in the Florida Keys two years before. In Arizona it’s generally the week before the Phoenix Marathon, so the timing has never been right for me. This text came to me literally the day after I received a reply from the race director at Phoenix confirming my move to the half marathon).

Again, feeling like things happen for a reason, I said yes. My logic was that I could do the relay and still be fine for the Phoenix half-marathon the following week. I was super-excited and told Meredith I was finally going to be able to run a Ragnar. She was excited for me, but then brought up the very good point that I would be running Lost Dutchman, Ragnar, and The Phoenix back to back. Three weeks in a row. Still fighting this injury. Smart plan Jamie.

I didn’t want to back out. I needed the distraction so I sucked it up and planned on running all three races. If you don’t know what a Ragnar Relay is I highly suggest you check out their website. http://ragnarrelay.com/race/delsol (this is the link for the Arizona one). It’s an almost 200 mile relay that you run with a group of 4-12 people. (The groups less than 12 are called “ultra” teams and are absolutely insane). This year (I found out the day we started our relay) there was a team of TWO running the relay. TWO people. Seriously?? They were running almost 100 miles each in a two-day time period. Now that is running dedication.

The Ragnar Relay website describes it this way:

“You and 11 of your craziest friends (or 5 of your crazier friends for an ultra team) pile into two vans and tag team running 200(ish) miles, day and night, relay-style. Only one runner hits the road at a time. Each participant runs three times, with each leg ranging between 3-8 miles and varying in difficulty. So, from the elite runner down to the novice jogger, it’s the perfect race for anyone

While one person is running, the rest of your teammates are on support duty in your race vehicles. Teams require 2 vehicles (Runners 1-6 in van 1 and 7 -12 in van 2) Van 1’s runners will cover the first six legs. As each runner begins, the crew in the vehicle can drive ahead, cheer their runner on and meet them at the exchange point to pick them up and drop off the next runner. After the first 6 legs, van 2 picks up the slack and starts putting in the miles.

Once your van’s runners finish the six legs, you drive ahead to the major exchange point to wait for your other van to finish their six legs, hunker down and try to get some rest. If you aren’t in the mood to sleep or can’t seem to move your body into sleep mode, try harder because you will need it for the next step.

All that stuff above? Yeah… you get to do it two more times.”

A pretty apt description if I say so myself!

I was very nervous about taking on this challenge because I am not the most social of people (I have a lot of social anxiety which I try to mask). I knew Amber, but only a little through Weight Watchers. I knew absolutely no one else on the team which was a little disconcerting for me.

In true Jamie fashion, I researched Ragnar, looked up pins on Pinterest, picked Meredith’s brain regarding her experience with her relay in the Keys, and watched videos from people running Ragnar’s on YouTube. I think I sufficiently covered every inch of information I could find. The only thing I didn’t learn was exactly how hard this was going to be on my body!

We met as a team for the first time at Amber’s house in Phoenix (along with the social anxiety I have a lot of anxiety about driving in Phoenix-It’s pretty scary!). All of the girls that would be in my van came for the meeting and most of the girls for the other van were in attendance. The almost ironic thing was that the other van consisted of teachers and the van I’d be  in consisted of nurses. They all seemed to be OB nurses too (that’s the ironic part since I was going through my mental tug of war issue about not being able to have kids).

It was determined the nurses and Amber and I would be in van 1 and the teachers would be in van 2. I was to be runner number 6. The last runner for our van. At first I was secretly glad I was the last runner until I realized that meant I would have all that time to wait before my run. Amber was runner 1. Once she was done with her leg she would get to rest right away. Awesome.

We decided our team name would be “Chicks with Kicks” which I thought was totally adorable. Amber’s husband even designed our shirts!

I was enamored with our shirts! Our meeting took place only about 3 weeks before our race due to the fact that the original team had some injuries and several runners had to be replaced at the last-minute. It was a productive meeting, we got all the info we needed, and all we had to do was wait!

The night before we left for the starting line (waaaaaaay out on the other side of Arizona-it felt like) our half of the team met at Roadrunner Sports (love that place!) to participate in the van decorating event. Apparently it’s a big deal to trick out your van and have  theme. Most of us never having run a Ragnar before did not know this so we were clueless. Luckily the teacher (and researcher) in me brought along some magnets, markers, and little bird things I found in my classroom. This was the end result of our van:

I was pretty proud of the chick I had drawn on the back window if I do say so myself! The little birds had our names and what runner number we were. The managed to stay on all the way through the scary freeways (which we nominated Becca and Amber to switch off driving on), but somehow disappeared in the parking lot of the starting line. Annoying. Oh well…they were cute while they lasted.

If I remember correctly our start time was around 5:30am. The slower the group pace, the earlier the start time. Obviously with a start time before the sun came out-we were not planning on setting any records. We ended up leaving Tempe Market Place, where we had all arranged to meet, around 4am (I think) maybe 3:30? It was all a sleepy blur!

It was really cold that morning and we were all bundled up waiting for Amber to start us off as runner #1. The girls in the other van were lucky! They got to sleep in and didn’t had to meet us at our exchange until later in the afternoon. Although we did finish and had a few hours to rest before they crossed the finish line for our team. I’m getting ahead of myself a little.

The atmosphere was amazing. There was music, tons of people, and had such an energizing effect! Some teams were even wearing costumes. It was pretty awesome just to wander around and people watch before our team started off. The designs on the vans and the team names were fun to look at too! There was even one van dedicated to “The Griswold Family Vacation” from the National Lampoons Movies. It was a hoot!

Amber took off a little after 5:30. We drove back and forth on the route for a little while cheering for her, yelling out the windows, ringing a cowbell, etc. We pulled over a few times to give her some water. On most of the legs you could provide “support” to your runner by giving them water and fuel. Some legs, because of the roads, or the location of the route there was no support so the runners had to fend for themselves until the next exchange. Luckily we were able to support her. I think that loop for her was around 8 miles. As we drove ahead to the exchange point to drop of runner #2 and collect Amber, we started to worry as we began climbing some pretty steep hills in our van. This meant she would have to run up those hills-and they were toward the end of her leg! Scary!

We finally met up with an exhausted but happy Amber, said goodbye to runner 2-Janie, and set off to give more support to our runner and meet at the next exchange point. It was pretty fun. We got to the point we were yelling and cheering for anyone-it didn’t matter who it was. I could tell they appreciated the support too!

My leg was getting closer and closer and I was starting to get nervous. It was the hot part of the day (around 1pm), I was in an unfamiliar city, and even though we had a route map, I didn’t know what conditions I would be running on. If I remember correctly my first leg was a little over 5 miles and was labeled “moderate” in terms of difficulty. I figured 5 miles would be no big deal so I wasn’t too concerned about the distance.

I definitely was not prepared for the heat though! It had to be somewhere in the 90’s. That and lack of sleep made me feel as though I was running through quicksand. I think at one point I actually did run through quick sand! Not really, although it felt like it!. The last two miles of my leg were running through very loose and rather deep gravel. Not having trail shoes, I could feel every pebble as it settled into the groves in the bottom of my Brooks running shoes. My legs were on fire from the effort, I felt like I was trapped in a sauna due to the unseasonably warm weather, and I had to keep looking down to make sure I didn’t twist and ankle in the unstable surface I was running on.

I finally neared the finish for my leg and saw a sea of blue ahead of me. As a team we decided that for each of our sets of legs (3 per van) we would wear a different color (trust me you want to change your clothes after running and being stuck in a van with 5 other people). We decided on blue, then green, then pink (since our amazing shirts were pink). They have people call out team names when runners get close to the chute so the next runner can get ready for the hand off of the baton. In our case it wasn’t really a baton, but a slap bracelet which made it convenient and fun to do!

My team (both vans) leaned forward as I got closer and made an arch for me to run under. It was so cool! I wish I had a better picture of it. This was as close as I got:

That’s me, giddy with happiness to be able to cool down and running under the arch!

With our first run done, our van could relax! We cleaned up as best we could with baby wipes and other on-the-go-cleaning supplies, and grabbed some lunch. We were all tired, but happy. The girls had been taking turns trying to nap in the van. I don’t know if any of them were successful. It seemed as though a few were able to get a few zzz’s here and there. I was unsuccessful. I don’t sleep well if conditions aren’t perfect. Another one of my idiosyncrasies I think.

Our next run would begin in the evening. We drove to our next exchange point in search of showers (we were at a high-school and they had opened the locker room for us). Rumor had it that the water was cold. The lines were so long, none of us waited around to find out, so we once again cleaned up as best we could with the baby wipes. At least we were able to brush our teeth like normal and use a mirror to assess our damage (haha).

Getting nervous again being in an unfamiliar city, of course I started stressing about what time I’d be running, where I’d be running, how long it would take me, how cold it was, etc. Luckily the girls in my van were all amazing women and we swapped stories and kept each other entertained as much as possible. Soon it was Amber’s turn again and we trotted off to the exchange shoot to welcome our second van and see off Amber.

It was around 10 or 10:30pm at this point so of course it was dark. Ragnar has safety mandates which include a headlamp, a safety vest, and a light on the back of the vest during ‘night hours’ which were 9am to 9pm. It was eerie to see people all lit up, but we were able to see runners coming in from pretty far away.

My stomach (of course) had been acting up since I had finished my run earlier in the day. I didn’t eat much when we went to lunch, nor did I snack on anything in the van. When we said goodbye to runner 1 and headed back to our van we happened upon some nice volunteers who were making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on the side of the road. Normally I would not eat a sandwich made by some random person on the side of the road at 10:30 at night, but I figured I needed to eat and suddenly the thought of jelly sounded really good. I’m not a big grape fan, but boy did that grape jelly and peanut butter sandwich hit the spot! I swear it was the best one I had ever had! I know it sounds weird but I will take the memory of that sandwich with me to my grave. (Kind of like the orange slices from the Phoenix Marathon-they were THAT good!).

We drove from exchange to exchange dropping off and picking up our runners. The majority of the legs on this run were ‘no support’ so we weren’t able to cheer for or give our runners water so it was kind of boring for us. We tried to nap at the exchanges, but it was difficult to do with the lights, and the noises from other vans. Plus we set up a text system so we knew when our runner was getting close so we could walk out to the exchange point at a decent time instead of standing there freezing. Soon I was up for my second leg!

What a difference a few hours make! I think I began my run around 3:30am. If my first run was hotter than hell, the second run was the polar opposite (pun intended). It was so cold I could see my breath! I had layered up and was wearing Capri running tights under my sweat pants, a tank with a  long-sleeved shirt and a jacket over that. I know that I am a hot runner though so right before I was to take off, I shed my outer sweats and handed them to one of the girls in my van. I was so tired (having been up for a over 24 hours at this point) that I had no idea of the person I handed all of my stuff to was even on my team!

 

Not even a mile into my run I started to get really hot! I ended up slowing down a little so I could struggle out of my running jacket and long-sleeved shirt. (Don’t worry, I still had a tank on underneath). I tied them around my waist as best I could so they wouldn’t fall off, and so my number was still visible. I had sweat rolling down my arms that would immediately freeze as soon as it hit that icy air. I’m surprised I didn’t end up with Pneumonia!

We all decided (when we got back to the van), that none of us were feeling particularly good, and we knew if was the odd nutrition of the last day and a half. We ended up making a late night Wal-Mart run. Once again we were in an unfamiliar city, and here I was around 5am walking around Wal-Mart in my running clothes, looking like death warmed over I’m sure! We got an assortment of cheese sticks, lunch meat, fruit and some crackers and headed off to the next exchange.

The girls made me lie down in the back of the van by this point. They knew I had gotten no sleep. It was way too hard for me to doze in a moving vehicle though. I wished so badly that I could be like a kid again when I’d always fall asleep in the car. Even on short rides!

Before I knew it, our reprieve was over and it was our van’s turn again. Last legs for us! It was blazing hot again and some of our runners had their longest legs coming up. My legs had been pretty consistent hovering around the 5-7.5 mile marks but one of our runners had gone from like a 4 mile run to this one being a 9 miler! It was brutal!

I was exhausted during my last leg. I knew where we were at this point! We were in Fountain Hills. They didn’t add the ‘hills’ part for no reason! This was a no support leg for me, probably because once I got out of the city, I was running on a major highway again. My van tried to stop where they could just so I’d see them there and know they were supporting their last runner as much as they could. The race marshal (is that even what you call those guys?) kept driving past me, turning around, and driving past me again. I have no idea what that was about. I knew I wasn’t the only runner left on the course. I was starting to get a complex though, like the sag wagon was after me!

The hills I ran up were brutal. My mysterious injury had not really bothered me too much up to this point. I think having regular adjustments from the chiropractor were helping. Those hills though. I didn’t think I was going to make it up some of them. My last hill was so steep I literally cried. Then I got mad at myself for crying and was able to push myself the last little bit that I needed

Part of our van decorations were the check boxes next to our names. When we finished a leg, we’d check it off. Notice how big that check mark is that I gave myself at the end. An emphatic check mark indeed! PS Kills (for those of you wondering) are for every person you pass during your leg. I may not be the fastest runner, but was till able to add some marks to that tally if I do say so myself! I think we forgot sometimes to add them, but it’s the thought that counts!

We headed back into familiar territory to wait for our second van to finish. We were going to meet them at the finish line and all run across the finish together. When we got to the parking lot of Tempe Town Lake we tried once again to clean up using the portable items we had. By then we were all too tired to really change so we just put on our “Chicks with Kicks” shirts on over our running clothes.

One of the other girls texted me saying our last runner was going in, so it was time to meet them at the finish and run across as a team. It’s weird to think that this was a ‘team’ event but it still kind of felt like we were two separate teams because we weren’t able to interact very well with the other van.

When we saw runner 12 coming in, we all began to cheer and ran across the finish line with her. I don’t know if it was lack of sleep, the excitement, or just the experience itself, but I did get a little teary as we ran across the finish line and were handed our medals!

We took a couple of team photo’s but for some reason when I tried to get them off of the girl who owned the camera’s Shutterfly they came out really small, so I’m not able to share them with you. I think we had a pretty good one at the first exchange too, when we were all in our blue. I feel bad saying “the girl” and “runner 12”. I didn’t know anyone from van 2 so I don’t really know their names or who did what which kind of makes me feel bad since we were a team.

It was definitely a fun and memorable experience! I was exhausted, not feeling well, out of my element, and dirty, but it was the most fun I had in a while! I would do it again in a heartbeat should the opportunity arise!

Here are some random pictures I forgot to include earlier:

The first one is of Amber and me. I feel like we got to be better friends during this experience. She has an amazing blog at mybirthwrite.com. Plus I met some other amazing women runners who I still keep in contact with via Facebook.

The second one is the Ragnar tattoo. Don’t worry, it was a temporary tattoo (that ended up lasting for several days to a week).

The final picture was my attempt at team spirit. Pink toes with the Ragnar Relay logo!

Up next: My half marathon the following week and more about my surgery!

Sleep well friends!

Ruh-Roh! and Ragnar

With school in session and a new grade level on my plate, free time is a precious commodity these days. I did however manage to escape at a decent hour today (only putting in 10 hours instead of my normal 12), so I was able to take care of business and still have time to write-yay!

The above GIF pretty much summed up my reaction when I spoke with a specialist regarding my MRI from the Chiropractor. She ordered and ultrasound to confirm something I had discovered at my yearly woman check up about a year earlier. I had a really large cyst in my abdomen and it seemed to have engulfed my right ovary. They were not concerned at the time even though at 8.2cm it was still a rather large cyst. The doctor I had seen previously said it was a ‘simple’ cyst (meaning it was fluid filled) which would most likely resolve itself and/or completely disappear and that they would be keeping and eye on it.

This appointment brought me the news that not only did my cyst not resolve itself, but it had grown almost 2cm and turned into a ‘complex’ cyst (no longer fluid filled and possibly a solid mass-which was why it appeared on the MRI apparently). She very gently informed me that it was time to consider a surgical removal based on the fact that it was on my right ovary. She said due to the size it could flip and cause torsion which would cut the blood supply off to my ovary and cause immense pain. She was amazed that I was not in pain as it was, because it was so large she could feel it upon a brief examination.  She said I more than likely would have to have my ovary and fallopian tube removed as well.

And if that wasn’t all…they saw another mass on my left side which was possibly another cyst of the same size. When I asked her to explain the sizing to me, she basically told me to imagine carrying two over-sized grapefruits around in my stomach. Hmmm. Not the greatest of imagery, but it did put it in perspective for me. She said they didn’t know if the second mass was attached to anything in my body, they wouldn’t know until they got in there.

I went home that evening with my head spinning. First the thought of having surgery was freaking me out of course. Secondly, even though I really had never entertained the idea that I would even have kids; the fact that the choice could possibly be taken away from me really upset me. She didn’t say for sure I wouldn’t be able to have children, but my chances would be lessened with the removal of one ovary and fallopian tube, and if they got in there and found something wrong with the other ovary then my chances would go from bad to non-existent.

I am a teacher. I have plenty of honorary nieces and nephews to love and spoil (technically they are my second cousins but that’s kind of an odd relationship to explain to a child so I am ‘Aunt Jamie’). I am single and creeping closer to my 40’s so I figured I was not in the place to have a kid. I also wasn’t sure if I would even be a good mother. Let’s be honest-after a day at school I am less than patient when I am at the store and some kid is running around like he/she owns the place. I didn’t think that kind of attitude would translate well if I were to go home to a child (even though everyone says it’s different when it’s YOUR child).

BUT (there is always an ever-present ‘but’ isn’t there?) I was upset that it was no longer my choice. I don’t know if I am able to explain it well. People pointed out to me that I had remarked on occasion that I wasn’t really sure I wanted to have children to begin with. Now that I possibly couldn’t I should be happy and not be too concerned about it since it wasn’t a factor anyway.

Still…the choice was gone. I was no longer in charge of my body or my decision regarding that subject. I also started feeling like maybe I was defective. On a particularly bad evening several weeks later, I was dwelling on the subject and started thinking “What if this is God’s plan for me because He knows I would be a terrible mother?” Yes, I did go to a pretty dark place in my thoughts.

I am not what you would call a religious person. I don’t go to church. I don’t follow a dogma of any kind of religion. I have never been baptized, nor do I pray on a regular basis. Still-I have always felt there is something greater than me whether it be a higher power, an omniscient being, an alien from another universe, etc. I have always felt that things happen for a reason, even though we don’t always understand that reason (I.E. both of my parents dying separately and way before their time).

I struggled with my thoughts about the subject for some time. It was always at the back of my mind, it effected my feelings toward myself, and it consumed me. I couldn’t (and really still feel like I can’t) put into words exactly what I felt or what my thought process was. People would question me and then look at me like I had two heads when I was trying to explain myself. Mostly I kept quiet and tried not to let anyone see really and truly how much it was bothering me.

Like I said, I feel like things happen for a reason. This was all going on around the time of my training for the full marathon. I don’t have an exact timeline because it’s all so jumbled at this point. I had decided that with my leg issue there was no way I could run the full marathon and I refused to have a WORSE time than my first marathon, so I emailed the race director (who was very nice) and dropped down to the half-marathon. I was beside myself with the stress of my so-far undetermined injury, trying to train for the full, finishing up standardized testing at school and getting ready to move my classroom, and then the worry about my upcoming surgery was icing on the cake (or the cherry on the sundae-whichever food related euphemism you like better).  I got a text message one day that provided me with the outlet and distraction I needed from what was going on with me.

Cliffhanger alert! Just kidding. I am going to finish this post and start another one solely dedicated to the Ragnar since it was so amazing. I will also be posting about my surgery as well, which will most likely have to be another separate post. In true Jamie fashion, I have rambled on long enough on this post and need to have a breaking point so people don’t want to break me!

Catching Up Part II and The Year in Review

(In case you couldn’t tell I’ve decided I like GIF’s)

I will try to make my year in review as brief as possible…action packed as though it was! My training was going well. I had decided I was going to run the Phoenix Full Marathon again to redeem myself and was following a modified version of Hal Higdon’s training plan.

My first official event of the season was the Women’s Running Magazine half-marathon. Although I think now it’s just called The Women’s Running Series. The day dawned bright and early. I saddled up with my friend and training partner Meredith and off we went. I had a pretty good run! I ended up with a PR of  about 5 minutes which I was totally not expecting! Conditions were good and it wasn’t too blazing hot out so I was able to push through and rock the course (which they had changed and decided to put a big-ass hill at the end of). I also ran into a friend who used to work at my school (the traitor decided to go off and teach junior high!) as well as one of the parent’s from my school (who I didn’t know was a runner! She was doing awesome on her first half!)

Megan, me, and Meredith at the end of the Women’s Half.

A week later Meredith, her husband Dave, our friend Michele and her husband Rob flew to Las Vegas for the Rock and Roll Half Marathon. (Yes I am the only single one sadly enough). It was my first destination race and I had mixed feelings because I don’t fly. Ever. Flying freaks me out. I had flown twice previously and both times left me with stiff fingers from clutching the arm rests of the chairs so tight and a heart rate that took several days to stabilize. Needless to say I had already paid for the race and put a deposit down on a hotel room. No one would drive to Vegas with me so I had no choice. I went to the doctor and begged for something to help. She prescribed a little something for me and due to my sensitivity to medications, advised me to take half and then take another half if it wasn’t working. This was me at the airport with just a half in my system and about 20 minutes until boarding time:

Wow! Look at all that blond hair!

Needless to say I took another half. Unfortunately it did not kick in right away. I literally tried to get off of the plane once we boarded. I was sandwiched in-between Meredith and Dave and had Michele and Rob behind me. Dave told me he wasn’t letting me off of the plane. I freaked myself out thinking I was going to have a panic attack. Luckily Meredith brought her iPad and tried to distract me with Sudoku. That actually worked (kind of) and before I knew it we were airborne. I think (because the flight to Vegas from Arizona is so short) that it took the majority of the flight for the last half of my anti-anxiety pill to kick in. I definitely felt it when it did though. I just suddenly felt…calmer.

This was a trip of firsts for me! First destination race, first time staying in a hotel room all by myself like a big girl…the list could go on. It was a super fun experience and I would love to do it again some time in the future!

A much calmer me taking a selfie before the race in my hotel room.

Michele, me, Dave and Meredith (Rob was taking the picture) at the finish line. We earned the “Rock Encore” medal for completely PF Chang’s Rock and Roll Half in January 2013 and we will have earned the “Desert Double Down” medal for completing the Vegas run as well as the January 2014 PF Chang’s Rock and Roll Half!

There is really no reason for this picture other than to show how utterly exhausted I was. I was in Vegas and drinking an iced tea at 11pm. I’m such a party animal! Running at night is hard when you don’t know what to eat all day and you’ve been awake and moving around! Still earned another PR though! 3 minutes off of my race time the week before! Shocked the hell out of myself with that one!

I found out quite by accident that night that our medals glow in the dark. Being in a strange room and very sleepy, I was a little freaked out when I woke up around 3am I saw this glowing on the table next to the bed! Then I realized what it was. Way cool!

After Vegas I started having this really weird pain in my leg. It started in my low back and radiated down and then around the front part of my right leg down to my knee. Sometimes it would bother me more than others. A few times I couldn’t even run a mile it was hurting me so bad! I still ran through the pain, knowing I had to train for the Phoenix the following March. I completed several small runs like the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving and the Athleta Iron Girl up in Fountain Hills Arizona (aptly named as hilly as it was!). I did a lot of walking during that one. I ran the declines and walked the inclines because my leg was bothering me. It was my birthday present from Meredith though so I didn’t want to not go!

I’m kind of race snob. I don’t like doing short races like 5k’s or 10k’s because they don’t usually offer a medal. I run for the bling! The Athleta Iron Girl had a pretty cool medal that was glass in the middle so I made an exception!

The next race I was to run was the PF Chang’s Rock and Roll Half-Marathon in Tempe. Two days before the half I ended up with the stomach flu that had been terrorizing my school as well as making its rounds through family members.

I just remember how awful I felt. I couldn’t even get myself together enough to get on the light rail with my friends to go to the expo to pick up our bibs the day before the race. Believe me, if they allowed it I would have had someone pick up my bib for me. I felt that terrible. I didn’t think I could make it on the light rail with all the stops and starts and weird smells.

Luckily my amazing friend Debi said she would drive me into Phoenix to the expo at the Civic Center to pick up my bib. Then I didn’t have to worry about the light rail ickyness and she could pull over if need be. I loaded up on Pepto Bismol and Immodium before we took off. I was still nauseated but hadn’t seen any action for a while so I was crossing my fingers.

I think that was the quickest I had ever gone through a race expo. I basically got my bib and shirt and pretty much dragged Debi and her little boy through the expo as fast as possible so I could get back home and go to bed. It was one nightmarish blur.  I honestly thought about not doing the race at all as bad as I felt. The only thing that kept me going, was knowing I would be able to collect my “Desert Double Down” medal at the finish line.

The next morning upon waking I knew I still didn’t feel well enough to run. Luckily My friends Kat and Michele were going to walk it. I opted to tag along. Having not eaten in three days and knowing I was dehydrated I didn’t want to chance anything happening. It was actually kind of fun being able to walk and take the opportunity to listen to the bands scattered along the course and really thank the volunteers and the cheerleaders. Plus the scenery up around the Zoo/Papago Park area is gorgeous! We still made pretty good time too!

Post-Flu exhaustion with my two medals (I have no idea what the guy behind me is looking at!)

During all of this my leg had still been bothering me so I had been having x-rays done on different parts of my body. Nothing you pushed on hurt. It wasn’t muscular, it didn’t feel like I had a bone that was fractured, nothing was sore to the touch, it was just sore when I ran, and if I sat too long it would start to hurt. I started seeing a Chiropractor and he started adjusting me. He thought maybe it could be a pinched nerve or maybe sciatica so he wanted to send me for an MRI. I grudgingly set up and appointment because I wanted to find out what was wrong so I could get better!

While I was dealing with all of that I ran the Lost Dutchman Half-Marathon. My time wasn’t pretty because my leg was hurting, but I did better than I thought I would. My original plan was to walk the whole thing because I had the opportunity to participate in a Ragnar relay race the following weekend and I really wanted to take it easy.

I ended up running the majority of it. I did think about stopping at one point and tipping over a traffic cone to roll out my hamstring because it was killing me from the hills. It was better than previously though, perhaps because of the chiropractic care I was receiving.

That week I ended up getting my MRI and was not happy with the results. They didn’t find anything wrong with my leg or back, no pinched nerves, no muscle issues etc. My chiropractor reassured me that it could still be sciatic pain that didn’t show up on the MRI for one reason or another. It was nice to know there was nothing horribly wrong with me like a degenerated or collapsed disc, but at the same time I would have liked to have had more of a concrete answer. He did tell me that something interesting showed up on the MRI though.

They had done a series with the low back and hip area (to make sure I wasn’t having hip problems as well). Apparently this included my pelvic region because the radiologist had noted a “large mass” in my abdomen. This totally freaked me out because I hadn’t been feeling anything or having any issues other than the normal stomach issues I had been having.  I was advised to make an appointment with my specialist right away to have it looked at.

I think I will end there for tonight. Not just because I love keeping my dear readers in suspense, but because I would really like to go into detail about the Ragnar race I ran the week after Lost Dutchman and then write more about what has been going on with me since March. It’s been a whirlwind for sure!

Recovery Run and Gummy Bears

Saturday couldn’t come fast enough for me! One of my favorite things about running a race (besides the actual running part…and the medal of course!) is the expo beforehand! Not all races have expos. Generally it’s a ‘packet pick-up’ thing. Only the big races have an actual expo, and often (here in Arizona at least), we have to wait months before the big ones come. This race with PF Chang’s Rock and Roll Marathon so it was a big one! Thus the excitement! It had slowly been building in me since December when I realized my next half-marathon was only a month away.  I was twitter-pated all week waiting for Saturday to come.

I adore a good expo! I love the excitement that’s brewing among my fellow runners. I love being able to see runners of all shapes, nationalities, ages, and skill-levels. At the expo we are not separated by being an elite athlete or a beginner. We are there for one common purpose: to pick up our race numbers and swag bag! We can all partake in the multitude of booths that are strategically placed around the convention center. We learn about other upcoming races and think to ourselves, “I want to do this one!” and vow to sign up as soon as we get home. We listen in rapture as vendors hock their wares and try to convince us why their earphones are better than the ones being sold across the hall, or why their sports drink is healthier and aides in faster recovery. We learn about new products or running clubs we have not previously been familiar with. We have the opportunity to stock up on fuel, clothing, accessories, and running related merchandise that, in reality we can purchase any day of the year either in a store or on-line. Purchasing these items at an expo however makes them seem more…mystical… magical even! For example: Buying a great pair of moisture-wicking socks at an expo versus buying them at the local running store (even though there is a good chance the local running store is the one selling them at the expo) means those socks will help lead you to greatness!

Okay maybe I’m the only one that feels this excited about a running expo (nerd alert!), but I do love me a good expo!! I consider it a success when I find something I can purchase to take home that is another example of my love of running. I do have to admit that some of my favorite vendors I was looking forward to seeing were not represented. Apparently the Tinkerbell Half-Marathon in California was also the same weekend and vendors had to choose (boo!) I won’t name them, but they know who they are…

My expo find of the day

But anyway…a good time was had by all at the expo. I picked up my number, shirt and swag bag, managed to restrain myself and come home with only one good find, and was ready for the next morning!

I was actually up and raring to go when my alarm went off at 5am. I was nervous the night before and kept waking up. I was worrying about my current lung issues and how they would affect me. I kept dreaming the sag wagon was following behind, trying to pick me up. I ate half a bagel with peanut butter, drank a full bottle of water, taped myself up and got ready to go.  I normally don’t allow myself to drink much water before a race but I woke up parched. I knew I didn’t have enough water the day before even though I tried to hydrate like crazy. Seems these antibiotics I’m still rocking make me very thirsty. I would come to regret the water decision later. I needed to be at Meredith and Dave’s by 6:30 so we could meet up with some other people and take the Metro light rail into Tempe so we wouldn’t have to worry about parking.

We picked a great time to get to the race! I had just enough time to leave my sweats at the gear check that it turned out I didn’t need, because it ended up being about 70 degrees by the time we finished the race. We walked to the corrals and they started the national anthem. Perfect timing! It went so much smoother than last year! The organizers were smart and moved the corrals to the other side of the light rail tracks. Last year the waves took forever because we had to keep waiting for the trains to go by! This time there was maybe a minute between corral starts. Of course by the time my corral got closer to the start, that bottle of water hit me full on. I looked over at the porta-potties that were near the start. There was still a line even though there were about 12 of them, and I was afraid I’d miss our start, so I opted to just hold it for as long as I could.

They called our corral and off we went! I love the excitement of the start! Everyone is bright-eyed, full of energy, eager, and most are sporting big cheesy grins! It was a little chilly so many of us were layered up. From the first corral to just past the start you could see piles of clothing people had shed. There were jackets, sweatpants, hats, gloves, even blankets and trash bags (I don’t really see how a trash bag is supposed to  keep you warm, but it would be a cheaper alternative than throwing away actual warm clothing) littering Mill Avenue. It was a sight to behold! I love that everything that gets tossed, gets donated. It makes me feel better about tossing a sweatshirt and gloves, because I know it will get put to good use!

I don’t know how the other Rock and Roll half-marathons are in other states (this is the only one I have run), but here in Arizona there are live bands, DJ’s, cheerleaders, and other supporters lining the route. It truly is awesome and humbling at the same time to think strangers are cheering for  and supporting people they don’t even know! As the miles clicked by I was enjoying the entertainment and reading all of the signs people were holding. Some of them made me literally laugh out loud: “Is that a leg cramp, or are you happy to see me?” There was a guy who looked naked holding a large sign that read, “Keep running or I drop the sign”. I was also keeping my eye out for the lines at the porta-potties. There were anywhere from  2-6 at every mile (more near the water stations), but it seemed like they all had ginormous lines. The farther I ran, the more my bladder was insisting I needed to make a pit stop. I tried to ignore it and concentrate on my music and feet for as long as I could.

I did okay for the first 4 miles or so. I kept the 2:45 pacer behind me (he was literally speed-walking instead of running). I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty since I was recovering from the flu and bronchitis, but I still wanted to try my best. My chest started loosening up after those first 4 miles however and then (grossness alert) I started coughing crap up. I won’t go into too much detail, but lets just say I’m not a “spitter”. I see people spit all the time when they run and it seriously makes me want to gag. So needless to say, by mile 5 I was alternately coughing, choking, and trying to clear my throat because every time I took a deep breath, I’d get that bronchial purr in my chest and have to cough. This went on for a few more miles until I was distracted by my bladder, that was by then, insistently letting me know I needed to stop sooner rather than later. I came just past the relay hand-off and saw a porta-pottie tucked behind a dumpster. There were only about 4 people in line so I made the decision to stop. It was the shortest line I had seen all day.

I don’t know what those people were doing in there…I don’t want to know, but I swear each person that went in, took their time. I looked around in aggravation (after wishing I had male equipment that allowed me to just go in a bush or behind a building) and noticed a row of porta-potties about a hundred feet away. I quickly sprinted over there. I had wasted about 5 minutes already waiting at the single bathroom and didn’t want to waste anymore time. The lines were longer, but each line serviced four different bathrooms, so It went a lot more quickly than the other one had. While I was waiting in line I looked at the runners coming up behind me, to see the speed-walking pacer for 2:45 blow past. That really pissed me off. If I hadn’t had to go so bad at that point, I would have said screw it and caught up with him just on general principal.

Aside from the fact that I felt totally disgusted and like I was covered in germs when I was finished, I was a happy camper with a now empty bladder. No more water for me before races. I’ve never had to stop before and I don’t want to do that again. That was such a huge time-waster! I tried my best to catch up with my speed-walking nemesis, but to no avail. He was lost to me by then.

The rest of the course went by relatively smoothly. I ended up switching to a run/walk due to the increasing bouts of coughing. I ran all the downhills which, as you already know dear reader, are my favorite. I also managed to run when I saw all of the uber-handsome firefighters and EMT’s lining the course. I wouldn’t want them to see me walking. That just wouldn’t be right. Finally the end was in sight and I ran it in as best I could. Even though I had both earphones in (I usually take one out to hear), I heard someone yelling my name. It was Meredith! I knew she would finish ahead of me and I was excited to have her there cheering me in!

I really need to work on my finish. At every race there are photographers along the course and at the end. At every race I’ve run, I always look the same at the finish.  Both of my arms are up in the air in victory, but my head is down like I’m looking for something I’ve dropped. It makes no sense, I don’t do it on purpose, that’s just how it turns out. Maybe I should set up a mock finish line in the backyard and practice. I could have the family come out there during Sunday dinner and tell me which finish they like the best, and offer critiques and suggestions and take pictures so I can judge for myself.

I won’t post a picture of it…you can’t see my face anyway since I’m apparently so in love with the ground. Here is a picture after I finished however:

That’s my “I’m really hot and tired and just ran 13.1 miles after being in bed for 6 days and not running for about 10 days so just take the picture already” look. I was tired but happy.

I knew it was going to be warmer than last weekend (we were actually in the 20’s), but I didn’t realize it would be as warm as it was. I was regretting the capri-pants and t-shirt. I should have opted for a tank and shorts instead but the morning was a lot cooler.

I know I’m more critical of myself than I should be, but I really was dissappointed in my time. It was not as bad as it could have been given the circumstances, but it was not as good as I had hoped. My little 10 minute (give or take) potty break didn’t help. My time was 19 minutes slower than last year. I had hoped to beat it this year. Of course I didn’t plan on getting the flu and bronchitis a week before the race either. Oh well. I still have The Lost Dutchman half-marathon next month to make up for it.

We got a free beer after the race. I’m not a big beer fan by any stretch of the imagination. A guy I dated for a minute tried to ‘teach’ me to drink beer, but I’ve never really acquired the taste. I don’t hate it, but I don’t love it either and given the option I will order a mixed drink instead. Free beer is free beer though. I had a sip of mine and gave it to Dave since his ended up knocked over on the ground.

Here are Meredith and I enjoying our reward at the end:

Meredith was very smart with her clothing choices unlike me.

After we slowly made our way back to the light rail we ended up going to lunch. We were all starving at that point. I was hangry (that’s when you’re so hungry you are angry), headachy and starting to get a little nauseous. Meredith and Dave decided to take me to one of their favorite places. I had never been there before. It’s an italian place called Venezia’s. I wasn’t sure how pizza would sit on my stomach right after running a half-marathon, but considering I was about to pass out from hunger, I agreed.

Oh.  My. Gosh. Their pizza is like what I would imagine pizza in heaven to taste like! I ordered two slices of pepperoni and a garden salad not realizing how big the slices were. Dave warned me they were big, but I had no idea! I ended up eating my salad, one piece of pizza and the cheese and pepperoni off the last slice. There was no sense wasting the good stuff. I don’t know how many points plus those slices were and I’m honestly afraid of calculating them. I just scrapped my 49 weekly points and called it good just in case.

Here is a picture of one of the slices next to my hand ( which really doesn’t do it justice)just so you can get a visual:

Ignore the tomato underneath my hand. That came from the salad. I am not a tomato person.

I think I will have to return to Venezia’s very soon and sample some of their other food. It was delicious! Afterwards we drove to Golden Spoon for some frozen yogurt. We were all stuffed from lunch so we got it to go. I love Golden Spoon. I haven’t really been to any other frozen yogurt places because there aren’t many on this side of town, but you have to trust me when I say it’s yummy!

I also have a confession to make. I’ve never done this before. I can usually control myself because it’s not normally a food I have issues with, but later that night (after I had already consumed my frozen yogurt that I had stuck in the freezer), I ate a whole bag of gummy bears while watching Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix. It was one of those little .99 bags, but still… I had seen them at Quick Trip and grabbed them without thinking. They were good too… Just out of curiosity am I the only one who eats all the “colors” I like the least first so I can enjoy my favorites at the end?

All in all, it was a great day with some good friends! I got a shiny new medal to add to my collection. I can now say I ran a half-marathon while recovering from bronchitis. (Yes I am that much of a rock star). I got some color in my face (how could I not while running 13.1 miles in 70 degree weather), and got some much-needed exercise. I probably should have eased back into running but I wanted to try to recover as much as I could before the half. Most importantly I had fun! By the time I got home I was tired from all the days activities, but extremely happy. I love running and I love what it does for me both mentally and physically. Although I tend to beat myself up about my performance from time to time, I really enjoy going out there and doing my best. I always finish my runs feeling more alive, centered, and at peace than I did before…

The Only Thing That’s Been Running is my Nose

A week later I am still battling this bronchial nightmare that settled in to roost in my chest. I finally finished the steroid and still have about 4 days of my antibiotic left. I feel better than I did which is a blessing. No longer do I have the chills, a sore throat, fever, runny nose or achy body. I can breathe a lot better than I could this time last week, that’s for sure! I’m still coughing this horrible hacking cough that I’m sure is making people wonder if either I’m a two pack a day smoker or if I’ve come into contact with an infected monkey (yes, I made the mistake of watching both Outbreak and The Stand while I was suffering from my bout with the flu this weekend).

I had a coughing fit at school the other day that freaked out my students. They kept asking me if I was okay and shouting suggestions at me: “Go get a drink of water”, “She doesn’t need a drink of water she’s choking on snot, she needs to blow her nose”, “Go get a cough drop from the nurse”, “Do you want me to hit you on your back? That’s what my mom does”, “Call 9-1-1 I think she’s dying”. If I hadn’t been struggling to breathe I would have laughed, they were so concerned it was so funny. Luckily that was my only major coughing fit and it’s been manageable so far. It’s parent/teacher conference week however so I’ve been making a good impression by hacking all over the parents that came for their conference. Everyone has this bug though apparently so they were used to it.

Needless to say my training has been put on hold this week which is really annoying and frustrating. Of course now, when it’s getting tougher, I must have a set-back. My dad always did tell me I can’t ever do anything the easy way. Maybe it will help my sense of accomplishment because I will have had to work twice as hard to make it! (Stranger things have happened). I was supposed to run 16 miles Saturday ,but that went out the window when I could barely get out of my bed that day. Also based on the fact that my nose is still stuffed, I get winded walking up the stairs and the delightful cough keeps making it’s appearance, I haven’t run at all this week either. Oh, did I forget to mention I’m supposed to run PF Chang’s Rock and Roll 1/2 Marathon in 2 days??? At this rate I’m going to be walking a lot of it which is frustrating me to no end.

The Rock and Roll 1/2 was the first half I ever completed last year (thanks to my friend Debi who basically signed me up and said, “Oh by the way, you’re doing this). I was hoping to try for a PR for this race. It’s kind of looking like that is not going to happen. I started to get really negative, whiny, and (to be honest) a little bitchy about it. I was complaining to some of my friends (and lets be honest, anyone who would listen),  and I stopped and listened to myself. I was annoying even me! It’s not like me getting hit with the flu (and having crappy lungs thrown into that mix) is under any part of my control. I can only do what I can do. I hate to say it, because the expression drives me bonkers, but; it is what it is. I can’t do anything about being sick but I can control my reaction to it and instead of pouting on the sidelines I can go on Sunday with my friends and do my best. Even though I hate having to walk, I’m not going to push myself and make myself sicker 6 weeks before my full marathon. I’m going to go have fun and do the best that I can. I may need to take some tissue with me.

I ordered my new shoes from Roadrunner Sports on Monday. I went in there with a coupon and a $50 gift card I received for Christmas, looking for my marathon shoes. They say to have 300-400 miles on your shoes before getting new ones. I’m still amazed at the fact that I have that many miles on my current pair! They have been really good shoes for me. I love running shoes. I love the way the look on both men’s and women’s feet, I love the colors, I love the styles, I love the idea of them. I am always very envious when I see someone wearing awesome brightly colored shoes. If I could afford it, I would have about 25 pairs. I would have one in every flourescent color known to man, I’d have them to match specific outfits, I’d even have some just to wear for fun! Unfortunately for me I’m an “over-pronator”. This means when I run my feet have an excessive inward roll when I land. This causes all kinds of injuries such as shin splints, plantar facitis, knee pain, etc. I have to wear what they call a stability shoe. The Shoedog  at Roadrunner always puts me in a stability “plus” shoe. This is supposed to help with my overpronation. What it really means is…ugly shoes.

Okay I shouldn’t say “ugly”. It’s not nice. It’s not the shoes fault it has been developed more for support than looks. I always envy those women have the most fun, bright and awesomely comfortable looking shoes. I’ve tried several different brands of ‘stability’ shoes and it all comes down to one thing: Function over Fun. They are not the cutest shoes in the world. I really don’t know why a shoe manufacturer has not been able to develop an awesome stability shoe. I mean seriously, they try their best and have the cool colors mixed in with either the dark grey or silver mesh that is the tell-tale look of a support shoe, but why do they have to go with the mesh every single time? Why can’t they take the look of one of the “cool” shoes and add stability?? Every running shoe I have owned has been grey with a color accent. Grey with green, grey with blue, grey with pink…you get the picture.

So I was kind of sad when once again, I went to find a new shoe and was faced with limited choices. I was excited about this shoe (have I mentioned I love running shoes?). This shoe is supposed to be my Marathon shoe. This shoe will be a part of my running history. It will help guide and support me through 26.2 miles. It will be a part of my success story! Yes, I realize I was probably a little too over-invested in picking out a new running shoe, but once again…I really love running shoes.

Sadly I did not find one I absolutely loved. I tried on several pair. The awesome thing about Roadrunner Sports (aside from Shoedog and the really cool, super-helpful, friendly and knowledgeable staff) is that they carry almost every brand of running shoe you can imagine. It’s not like my choices were limited to a certain few brands. Unfortunately every brand apparently (and this is just my own opinion from my observations from shoe shopping and doesn’t mean it’s necessarily true), basically has designed their stability shoes the same way. They aren’t cute and they aren’t fun. They are a functional shoe trying to be a cool shoe with some hip colors or designs thrown in. (You’ll see what I mean below). I knew I needed shoes however. I could feel the fact that I had used and abused my current shoes the last few times I ran. I needed to get a new pair to be able to break them in before the big day arrives. I found a pair I could tolerate (I looked for the most obnoxiously bright colors I could find), and had to order them because they didn’t have my size in stock. Bummer #2.

I am not a patient person. I don’t like having to order things and wait for them to come to me. It was after 5pm and the really nice guy who was helping me informed me the shoes would probably not ship until the next day because it was so late. I had ordered some compression socks around Christmas time that took over a week to get to me so I was anticipating a long wait for delivery. I had been hoping to be on the mend from my lungs and be able to run a few miles in them this week. No such luck.  I sighed and held back my frustration and had him go ahead and order them.

By the time I got home I had received an email saying they were ready to ship! It amazed me they had my order pulled and ready for FedEx so quickly. By the next morning they were already in Phoenix with a scheduled delivery date of today! I didn’t bank on it as with the compression socks they said they were in Phoenix for about 4 days before it showed “out for delivery”. I checked my email after school today and they had already been delivered to the house! I was floored! From order desk to my front door in 3 days time. Once again, I love Roadrunner and their service!

When I got home I immediately ripped open the box and had to play with them like a kid on Christmas. I knew for some reason I really wanted to write about my new shoes today. New shoes and new running gear energize me. They pump me up and motivate me I think. If it were possible, I could spend a small fortune on running baubles and doo-dads. I took a few pictures of my new shoes so you could see what I’m talking about with the ‘mesh’ look. These shoes are a little different because this time they are more of a black mesh rather than a sliver. I know they are for running and it’s not a fashion show, that I should not care so much what my shoes look like as long as they are what is best for my feet; but can you blame me for wanting to have cute feet? I will say this: if some shoe company some day made an awesome stability shoe with the looks to match, I’d be all over it!

These are the Asics Gel Kayano 19’s
(note the ‘meshy’ look in and around the pink design. Blech)

I had to add the 26.2 sticker for artistry. I’ve had it sitting on my shelf since September. I refuse to put it on my car until the deed is actually done.

PS I’m really excited about the expo for the Rock and Roll 1/2 on Saturday. I may just have a heart attack when I walk into that room full of pop-up tents and eager vendors.

Trapped In Bed

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. I’m trying to be better at doing it more often, but you know how things go. Best intentions and all…I do have a legitimate excuse this time however as I am writing my post from the comfort and confinement of my bed…

Training had been going well. My mileage is increasing during the week as well as the long runs on Saturdays which I am managing to muddle through. I know I’m my own worst enemy and I need to start giving myself more credit about my accomplishments. I have had a lot of time to think the last few days (nothing else to do) and I think I have figured out that I tend to discredit myself and play down the things I have accomplished with my training before someone else can do it for me. It’s kind of like that whole “I’m going to break up with you, before you break up with me” thing that people do. And by people I don’t mean me. I’m perpetually single and therefore don’t have to worry about anyone breaking up with me.

Anyway…I digress. My mid-week runs are now 4-8-5. Generally on Wednesdays I go to my Weight Watchers meetings. What I’ve been doing is getting there very early and leaving my car in the parking lot. I will take whatever my mileage for the day is (let’s say it’s 4 miles) and cut it in half. I will run 2 miles away from Weight Watchers and then run the other half back to the meeting. That way I can get my run in and still attend my meeting.

People often ask me why I don’t run in the morning before school like a lot of people do. I would if I could but as it is, I get up anywhere from 5-5:30am (depending on if I sleep in or not) so I can leave to get to school at 6am. That means I would have to get up around 3:30 to be able to run, shower, get ready, and then get to school at the same time. Plus it’s really dark at that time. Plus my neighborhood isn’t exactly the safest place on earth. Plus there isn’t really a good route in my neighborhood and for me to go anywhere else I would have to add that time into my getting up early time. So I run after school when I’m spent from being on my feet all day and teaching my energetic first-graders.

This week Meredith suggested we go to Tempe Town Lake for our first mid-week 8 miler. Tempe Town Lake in the heart of Tempe is beautiful! I don’t know why we don’t go there more often honestly. People go there to walk, run, ride bikes, and lots of other things. There is a great path with mileage mapped out and the scenery is awesome!

I agreed because it was a change of pace from running my same old route to and from Weight Watchers. I ran my first race at Tempe Town Lake 2 years ago, The Woman’s Running Magazine 5k in 2011, so I knew it was a good route with hills. I did forget, how many hills. Hills are not my friend going up. I always feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.  I did average one 5 minute mile in there, but I think it was from the downhill parts.  I love the downhill. If I could find a race that was all downhill I’d be a happy camper.

By the time we met up at Road Runner Sports (one of my favorite places to shop by the way) and walked across the street to Tempe Town Lake (so convenient by the way-awesome idea to put a running store right by one of the best running places), it was about 70 degrees. We were experiencing some warm weather which we found hilarious because it was forecasted that during our 16 miler the upcoming Saturday (yesterday) it was supposed to be in the 20s and we would be under a freeze warning.

The run started off good. There was a breeze coming in off of the lake and it wasn’t too crowded. My elbows started to sweat of course. I’m not used to running in 70 degrees now. I’ve gotten used to the colder weather and I must say, I think I prefer it! After the first mile my breathing was strained and I just felt off. I didn’t know what it was and I was getting pissed. I had to keep stopping to walk and catch my breath. I felt bad because Meredith kept stopping with me. I hate thinking I’m holding someone back. I was really annoyed that I was having so much trouble getting into a rhythm.

I had also tried a new fuel before we started running. I’m trying to find one that works for me. I used to use GU until I figured out that was causing my stomach issues after long runs. I always assumed I was getting the “runners trots” until one day I didn’t have GU and didn’t have an issue. I like the different flavors available and the GU chomps aren’t bad (too hard to eat on the run though), but I can’t handle the stomach issues. Fellow runners know exactly what I’m talking about. This time I tried something new we found at Road Runner called Pocket Fuel. It was chocolate and hazelnut. Who can go wrong with that? It tasted kind of like Nutella which was a happy bonus. Needles to say my stomach started bothering me about 3 miles in which was not making my struggles any easier.

Meredith had tried some previously and said it didn’t bother her so I don’t know if it was coincidence or not, but I’m afraid to try it again on a long run. I started struggling more and more and ended up having to refill my water bottle from one of the fountains at the park. One thing I have to admit is that our tap water here in good old Arizona is not the best and the water from the fountain was no better, but I choked it down because I needed it to help calm my stomach. I started running slower and slower and dropping back and finally Meredith just went on ahead of me. Towards the end of the route I saw her running back to me. She said we had figured wrong and needed to run down to the next block and back to get to the 8. I let her push me (figuratively) and ran down to the light and back to where she had found me, but I felt like my heart was beating out of my chest at that point. My body was pissed off at me and I didn’t know why.

I was frustrated because I couldn’t figure out what the issue was. I’ve been really good on program and haven’t had any crap food, I’d been getting plenty of sleep and drinking a ton of water, but still was struggling. I felt like something was off and I was feeling bad about having struggled so much.  I ended up going to my Weight Watchers meeting (late) after our run. The meeting was over but my leader and friend, Debi, was still there. I contemplated weighing in. As a lifetime member I only have to weigh in once a month but I’ve committed to doing it every week. By the time I got there however my body was not happy with me. I felt swollen and my stomach was not happy so I figured I’d better not. Meredith showed up too so we hung out and talked to Debi and some members that were still there.

I went home, took a shower, and went to bed without eating. My stomach had calmed down a little but I wasn’t in the mood to eat. I slept like the dead which is unusual for me as I usually wake up at least 3 times a night. I have the bladder of an infant I swear. Plus I just wake up. It’s weird.

When my alarm went off in the morning, I felt like I had been hit by a 2×4.Repeatedly.  My head hurt and my chest hurt. I knew the signs. Bronchitis. Again. And only a month and a half after my last bout. Knowing that actually kind of  made me feel a little better about struggling so much on my run the night before though. Apparently my body knew I was getting sick before I did. I went to school but felt worse and worse throughout the day so I made an appointment for my doctor. I was worried about my 16 mile training run on Saturday.

By the time I left school and got to the doctor’s office (mental note I really need to find a closer doctor. I started seeing this one when I lived in Queen Creek and now it’s just too far), I felt worse. My doctor diagnosed me with the usual sinus infection and bronchitis. He told me he was going to give me an antibiotic shot to get me going and prescribe me an antibiotic. He also told me not to go to school the next day. Not going to school involves sub plans. Sub plans are a pain in the you-know-what and sometimes it’s just easier to go to school. I was on the fence.

The nurse came in with a needle. A very big needle. She told me she had to give me my shot in my “tushy”. Really? Who uses the term “tushy” with an adult? Whatever. I was preparing and we were talking about running because I had told her I was training for a marathon. She was talking about her sister-in-law trying to get her to run when Wham!!! Out of no where she jabbed that big needle into my backside so hard I jumped and yelled. I heard her suck in a frustrated breath  of air and apologized. I told her I was sorry I wasn’t expecting it. She should have been apologizing to me however. That hurt! The next time she said, “Okay I”m going to do it”, and grabbed a big hunk of my skin so I couldn’t pull away and jabbed it in again. Okay I understand the glute is a muscle, and muscle is hard to get into with a needle, but I’ve had shots there before that didn’t involve being jabbed at like someone was trying to stab me. To say the least, by the time she was finished I was bleeding and sore.

Me and my sore tushy left the doctor’s office, picked up my meds and headed home to bed. The next day when I got up for school I felt even worse so I headed in to my classroom to do the dreaded sub plans. It only took me an hour and a half to write plans and get everything organized so I am improving. I’m kind of  a control freak when it comes to certain things in case you haven’t noticed, and sub plans are one of them. I hate the thought of someone else running my classroom and messing things up. (Not that all subs do this, but there are some subs that you have to spell everything out for).

I went home and went back to bed. I had already determined I would not be running 16 miles with Meredith at 5am in 20 degree weather the next day. That night I could not sleep. My chest was so tight and I was wheezing so bad I couldn’t catch my breath. I was starting to freak out. I got into the shower about 1am, turned the water on as hot as I could stand it, and sat in the steam hoping to loosen my chest. It helped a little but not much. I took my inhaler and proceeded to toss and turn the rest of the night. If it was even possible in the morning, I felt worse than I had the day before. My aunt told me I should call my doctor because by that time I had 4 rounds of antibiotic plus my shot and I was still running a fever of over 101.

I spoke with the doctor on call and she told me something I didn’t want to hear. Most likely I had the flu. The only way to confirm it was to have a blood test and she told me to come in on Monday if I still didn’t feel better. Just in case she told me she was going to change my antibiotic and give me a steroid for my breathing issues. She told me to stay hydrated because most people who end up in the ER with the flu, do so because they are dehydrated. I dragged myself out of bed and picked up my new prescriptions and came back home. I’ve never had the flu before. I never want it again. I was miserable. I ached all over. I had a sinus headache from hell, I couldn’t breathe, I had the chills even though I was sweating, even my skin hurt.

I literally went through 3 boxes of tissues between Friday night and today. I’m currently working on my fourth box. I am feeling a little better than I did yesterday but I still have a fever of over 99 (which isn’t high, but still not normal). We shall see how I feel in the morning. I need to get better and  back to normal I hate this. I hate being trapped in this bed and not being able to do anything. I am not a good patient. I am not a patient person in general.

No one in my family wants to get sick which is completely understandable. I feel like a pariah though. All of the cousins and grandkids came over for my grandpa’s 80th birthday tonight. My room is over the kitchen so I heard all of them down there singing Happy Birthday. It made me really sad to be missing out on it.  I called my grandpa a little while ago and sang to him in my froggy little voice. He said I sounded horrible. I asked him if it was my singing or my current voice. He said it was a toss-up. I love my grandpa. He cracks me up.

I missed running this weekend. I can’t believe how much. I miss being outside and being able to just…be. I can’t wait to get better and get back into my routine. I have parent teacher conferences this week. I hope I have a voice to be able to communicate with! I’m supposed to run a half marathon this weekend too. PF Chang’s Rock and Roll 1/2 Marathon. Last year’s was my first. It’s the 10th anniversary for the run and I wanted to do better than I did last year. If I don’t get better it looks like I will be walking it!

I really wish I could be runner without lung problems. Things would be so much easier.

Just something to make you laugh…

Finding My Mojo (Part 2) and January Joiners

To continue from where my last post left off, a quick summary…(quick for me anyway).

I was fat. I’m not going to sugar coat it. I was fat, not overweight, nor was I pleasantly plump or ‘could stand to lose a few pounds’. I look at my ‘before’ picture from my last post and the first thing that comes to mind is someone stuck a bicycle pump in my mouth and blew me up. (I have found that being brutally honest with myself helps keep destructive behavior at bay.) It’s not being negative, it’s reality. It is what it is. So I was fat. I decided something had to be done. I felt like crap and I was miserable. I started participating in a weight-loss challenge at school and I joined Weight Watchers all in the same week. This was when Weight Watchers was just rolling out the Points Plus program. I found a meeting I liked, a leader that was supportive and was on my way.

And now you’re caught up to where I left off yesterday. The first month of the program was brutal. It was a complete change in eating habits. I am a very picky person. I don’t like most vegetables. Cooked veggies generally displease me. I don’t think they should be mushy and melt in your mouth. Veggies need to be crisp and fresh.  In the last two years I’ve learned to eat broccoli and carrots steamed as long as they aren’t too cooked. More recently I’ve decided I can tolerate onions in moderation and only if they are mixed in with something else. Most of the fruits and veggies I do eat are in the raw form. I don’t think fruits and vegetables should be mixed so I don’t eat fancy salads that have fruit on them. Apples in salad make no sense to me. I can tolerate shrimp, lobster and crab; but I abhor most seafood. Fish tastes fishy to me and my palate cannot stand it. My aunt and uncle have gotten me to try tilapia, which I can usually choke down as it’s not too  ‘fishy’ of a  fish. I can’t do salmon. It tastes like the ocean. Needless to say sushi is completely out. I have many other food issues as I’m sure you’ll discover if you stick with me for a while.

Needless to say the whole “healthy eating” thing was a shock to my system. I stuck with it however and tried my best. Forgive the expression and for lack of a better term, I became a food Nazi. I worked program like my life depended on it. I suppose in a lot of ways it did. I ate my daily points, I got all of my healthy checks in (minus the oil. I never used it before Weight Watchers so I opted to not start using it), I did not allow myself to have ‘snacks’ that did not consist of something healthy, and I made sure I went to the gym at least 5 days a week. I was a little out of control to be honest. When I made up my mind that this is what I wanted to do, I gave it 120% which may have been a little overboard. I didn’t have amazing numbers on the scale. It was slow going. I started to get frustrated when I’d only lose a pound or .6. I talked to Debi about it, who at this point had become a friend in addition to being my leader. She reassured me that 1-2 pounds a week is average, healthy weight loss. She reiterated the fact that any loss, even .2 was still a loss and needed to be celebrated.

Then people started to notice. They would look at me funny for a week or so before asking , “Are you losing weight?” Upon investigation I discovered a lot of people are uncertain of asking a woman if she’s been losing weight because they aren’t sure how she will take it. I don’t know any woman personally that would be offended by that question. It made me feel good to know people were noticing and fueled my desire for change. Bored with the elliptical at the gym I stepped on the treadmill determined to run. After I flew off said tread mill the first time, I pushed on and started to really run. (for more about my beginning running check here)

I also started lifting weights. To be honest I felt pretty bad-ass. I may not have looked it, but at that time it was all about how I felt.  I was still overweight and out of shape, but I was getting there. The image of myself in my mind had changed from the Oompa Loompa to a girl who was working hard at change. Every once in a while I’d catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I’d see that sad, insecure girl peering back at me, but I would close my eyes until she went away. I was saying good-bye to that girl and didn’t want to see her again. (Just as a side-note, I really wish there were areas of my gym where you don’t have to stare at yourself in the mirror while you’re working out.). I even started smiling at people and making eye contact and walking around the gym like I had a right to be there.

Our three months of the weight-loss challenge was ending and once again we found ourselves at the YMCA for our final weigh-in and body-fat measurement. As a team we did really well. We had all lost some weight and some body fat. Yay team! I myself was pleased as I had set a private goal for myself and had achieved it. My hard work was paying off and I was down 25 pounds and had gone from 47% body fat to 31! It still wasn’t where I wanted to be, but it was a very good start. More people were noticing my efforts and commenting on it. The support and the cheers and compliments really helped to keep me motivated.

I continued to attend my meetings religiously every Wednesday no matter what. My mother passed away at the beginning of May in 2011. It was a very hard time for me, but I still continued to attend my meetings as at that point, Weight Watchers was the one thing I still had control over when everything else was very much out of control. (PS There will be a post coming soon about my mother and dragonflies so stay tuned). I ran my first 5k in November of 2011 and did better than I had hoped! I finally reached my goal weight, coming in two pounds below my goal of 135 pounds the week after I ran my 5K and 2 days after my 35th birthday. I had lost a total of 56 pounds!

Here is my “after” photo:

I really wish I still look like that.

Throughout my journey every once in a while people would ask me, “When are you going to eat normal again? You are so strict with yourself”. I kept answering, “This is a lifetime change.” They would respond with “A lifetime of denying yourself? No thanks”.  I shook it off at the time, but I really was being way to strict with myself. At that time I wouldn’t even eat a piece of chicken if it had barbecue sauce on it because I didn’t want to spend the points on sauce. I had also eaten the same lunch every day for almost a year. Two pieces of low-calorie bread with Boars Head low sodium chicken breast, mustard and lettuce, 20 baby carrots and 14 fat-free Pringle’s. I also would have a bottle of water. I had been an avid Pepsi drinker prior to joining Weight Watchers. I am talking at least a 6 pack total in one day. Breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack, when I’d get home from work, with dinner, and before bed. It was bad. I had switched to water on program because I really coud not stand most diet sodas. Iced tea was too hard to drink at work because to me iced tea has to be fresh and brewed. I can’t stand the canned kind or the fountain kind. (Eventually I discovered Diet Dr. Pepper so all was right with the world).

I started thinking maybe people had a point. I really was being too strict with myself. I vowed to loosen the reigns a little when I reached lifetime status and had my 6 extra maintenance points every day. I stayed strong through the holidays amazingly enough. I loosened the reigns a little so I could have my aunts stuffing of course, but skipped desert and all the extra goodies that come along with the holidays. Then in January something changed, I think that’s when I either started to lose, or completely lost my mojo.

At my meeting this last Wednesday Debi and I were talking about January Joiners. She asked me if I had been a January Joiner. I very proudly told her I was not a JJ and had actually joined the week before Christmas. January Joiners are resolution people for those of you who may or may not know. These are the people generate sales at sporting goods stores in January.  These are the people who always have the best intentions and vow to lose weight and get in shape for the new year. They join Weight Watchers, they start shopping the healthy aisles of the grocery stores, they join other weight loss programs (both online and in person), they go buy home gym equipment and hand weights,  and they clog the gyms. For about 2-3 months. Then the resolutions slowly fade away and real life takes over. I can freely say this as for one thing it’s true, and for another thing I admit I have been a January Joiner in the past. Maybe not to that extreme, but I’ve thought I’d start working out, or change my hair color, or stop drinking soda. Everyone makes resolutions but according to some of the sites I checked online, statistically on average only 8% of the people who make resolutions actually follow through and satisfy those resolutions. That’s kind of  a scary statistic. That’s why I don’t make resolutions anymore, I know personally I won’t follow through.

I am not going to blame January Joiners, but I am going to finally admit to myself and everyone else that I let myself use the January Joiners as an excuse. I went to the gym as I had been doing for the last year and walked into the sea of chaos that had become my gym. Normally the gym is a nice quiet retreat for me where I can push my body and ask it to do things it normally resists doing. I can always get a cardio machine, the classes aren’t so crowded you are going to step on someone (except for some of the yoga classes) and although I may have to wait for a weight machine, it is not for long or off-putting.  I kid you not when I say there was not one piece of cardio equipment available. Even the row of torturous stair-climbers that are generally sitting abandoned were all being utilized. There were children running around willy-nilly, people were standing around socializing while they waited for a machine and the noise level was almost intolerable. I turned around and walked out.

I vowed to go back in a week and see what the situation was. A week later it seemed almost more crowded if that was even possible. I went to a class I normally love attending and ended up so frustrated by rude, inconsiderate people. It was difficult to get a set of weights, people put their steps almost on top of mine instead of allowing for space for movement, and then had the nerve to complain there wasn’t enough equipment for everyone in the class and they were scrounging for mats and weights. Normally there is plenty of equipment when the fair-weather-gym-goers aren’t clogging the gym.

I will never understand why people will waste all that money trying to follow through on their resolutions and then just give up. If I’m going to invest my time and my money you bet I will be making it worth my while! Needless to say I became very frustrated and discouraged and apparently to spite myself , I stopped going to the gym. I promised myself I’d go back when the January Joiners were gone, but by then I started letting life get in my way, where previously I had worked around life’s little inconsistencies.

I had also stopped tracking my food (I fully believe I was so successful on the program because I tracked everything that went in my mouth), and was allowing myself a lot of leniency when it came to my food choices. I wasn’t eating nearly as bad as I had before, but my portion sizes were probably bigger what they should have been (I was also no longer weighing or measuring my food-I was convinced I had done it for so long I could eyeball it). I allowed myself more snacks and without tracking points, I was also eating more than my daily points allowance and my weekly points as well.

After I had run my first half-marathon (PF Chang’s Rock and Roll 1/2 Marathon), my body was so sore (not having run that far before), I sat on my ass for a week “recovering”. Then one week became two and then three. I struggled to get back into the swing of running when the inaugural Phoenix Marathon came up in March. It was the first year and they only had a half-marathon and a 10k. I wasn’t going to participate due to money constraints,  but an opportunity came up and I took it. I really struggled on that run and my foot was starting to hurt. By this time I was about 10 pounds over my goal weight.

During that run I promised myself I’d get under control again and take that 10 pounds off. Running was so much harder with the extra weight, even if it was only 10 pounds. I felt like I had bricks strapped to my feet.  I was in so much pain from my foot/Achilles/ankle/whatever thingie,  after the Phoenix half I sat on my butt again for 3 weeks. Then it got hot. It’s Arizona. Hot is an understatement. I would break out in a sweat just walking down the stairs.  I had no desire to run, nor did I want to go back to the gym to voluntarily sweat, even though it was 3 months past the January Joiners’ expiration date.

My mojo was gone. My motivation, my desire, my drive; all kaput. In October last year, I started running again with the motivation of the Phoenix Marathon. Although I’m running a lot more now, I still haven’t returned to the gym. I feel like I run so much I don’t want to ‘waste’ time at the gym. Not that the gym would be a waste of time, but I’m afraid the gym will deter my running. I know that makes no sense what-so-ever and I really am trying to sort it out in my head. Plus it’s January again and all the “resolutionists” are swarming.

I wasn’t going to weigh-in when I went to my meeting on Wednesday. I even signed in as a visitor and went and sat down. Something made me get up and get out my weight tracker and weigh in, even though I was wearing my favorite fuzzy socks, my heavy sweat pants and my Nike jacket. It was not pretty. I gritted my teeth, squeezed my eyes shut and dejectedly walked back to my seat. Debi said not a word. That’s why she’s a great leader and a good friend. She knew I’d be harder on myself and I wouldn’t need a lecture or a pep talk. During the meeting I had a long talk with myself. Silently of course.

As a lifetime member I only have to weigh in once a month. I have to stop doing that and pretend I’m on program as a regular member again. I am too far away from where I want to be.

Okay it is January, but this is not a resolution. This is more like resolve. I need to get my act together and find my mojo again. I am going to keep myself more accountable by weighing in every week and not using the once a month thing as a crutch. When I do weigh in once a month and see the numbers have gone up I tend to say “Oh, I’m retaining water”, “I just ran”, “It’s that time of the month”, etc. Now comes the brutal truth. I did not gain weight this week because I’m retaining water. I’m up on the scale because I’ve been binge eating chocolate covered marshmallow santa’s and Reece’s Peanut Butter Trees. (I love those guys).

I’m taking baby steps to get back to where I want to be. I’m not looking at how far I have to go to get back to goal, I am still holding on to how far I’ve already come and what I’ve accomplished.  I will try not to be a food Nazi again. I may have been too strict with myself in the beginning and that’s why I gave myself permission to stop tracking and splurge a little. I know weight-loss is a lifetime process. I don’t want to be a yo-yo person who goes up and down for the rest of my life; but like Debi said, I’m not ‘cured’. I like food and I like to eat. That won’t change. I didn’t get the way I was because I binged on broccoli and carrots. The rational part of me knows all these things, has known them since I strayed; but I’m having a tough time convincing the rest of myself…

Now I just have to find time in my running schedule to start weights again. Core strength will make me a better runner I know. I just have to figure out a way to deal with the January Joiners for a little while.

First “official” week of training…ends in disaster.

So my first official week of training for the Phoenix Marathon started out really well. I was feeling groovy and ran well for my 3 short runs of three miles each. I had amazing time on my Thursday run even though for some reason that day my feet felt like I had cinder blocks strapped to them and I couldn’t get my breathing under control. I was tired after coaching (at my elementary school) and dealing with the post-Halloween sugar high and the I’m-so-tired-I’m-going-to-go-crazy-to-keep-myself-awake mood all children seem to be in the day after the reaping of the candy.  I didn’t want to run. I wanted to take a shower and hide my head under my mountain of pillows until my alarm started to scream at 5 am.With some supportive words from my soon-to-be training partner, I made myself get my running shoes on and get out the door.

Some people wonder why I don’t run in the morning before work if I’m so tired after school. I would love to believe me! I am a better runner in the morning I think. I am more awake, more motivated, more alive, more fresh. Unfortunately as stated previously my alarm goes off at 5 so I can get going and out the door by 6am. If I were to run in the morning I would have to get up by 4am at the latest. Normally that would not be an issue. It’s only an hour earlier, I could totally swing that. However, my neighborhood is not the safest. We’re in a nice little pocket that consists of about 4 blocks surrounded by an okay area on one side and a really-not-so-nice area on the other. I tried running that early exactly once. During that harrowing time I ran with only one headphone in (gotta have tunes), and was clutching my little pink tube of pepper spray so hard it left marks in my hand. My run that morning was pretty enjoyable as I recall, until I began to notice an old beat up pick up truck drive by. The first time I figured it was a contractor or construction worker going to work so I brushed it off. The second time I thought maybe there was a look-alike truck in the neighborhood, but the 3rd and 4th times I knew that the driver of the truck was up to something hinky and by the fifth time (when said truck was getting closer to where I was running), I sped home and never again attempted an early morning run on a work day again. Even if I did consider it, this time of year it’s still pitch black outside. That clearly is not safe.

My 6 mile long run was supposed to have been Saturday but I had switched it to Sunday because I  was registered for the Women’s Running magazine 1/2 Marathon. As the weekend approached I was getting super excited. Saturday I was going to meet up with two friends who were also running (one of whom this would be her first half) and go to the expo together. I love running expos. There is something about a folding table or wire wall draped with running swag that just gives me a little shiver of excitement. Seeing all the running paraphernalia gets me motivated and I must admit, a little twirly.

I was meeting one of the girls at the school to pick her up and then we were to meet the other members of our party and go from there. I decided to get to school a little early to get some work done before the fun started. I walked in and sat down at my desk…and started feeling a little green around the gills. Wham! It hit me out of nowhere. I won’t go into details but it was not pretty. Just think Exorsist and pea soup.

I decided to push on thinking it was something I had eaten for dinner the previous evening. I cancelled the meet up with my other friend and drove myself and the other girl to the expo. It was an intense experience. I was trying my hardest to grin and bear it, to enjoy the atmosphere I normally love so much but the experience was tainted with my ever-increasing nausea and headache.

Needless to say we didn’t stay as long as I would have liked. I dropped my friend off, went home and crawled into bed. About 30 minutes later is when the fun really began (insert sarcasm here). All the while when I was feeling miserable, I was convinced that when my alarm went off the next morning at 3:30 am I would be better and able to at least walk my half-marathon. Around 2 am with no relief in sight I finally accepted the reality that my worst fear had come true and I was going to be unable to run.

Granted this is not my end-all-be-all goal of running my first full marathon, I wasn’t training for this half-marathon like I’m training for my full and actually had started to look at it as ‘just’ a training run. I knew with my lack of running the past few months I was not going to be able to run the whole thing, but I still wanted the opportunity and the experience. I was excited about running with my friends. I was excited about running with a group of people of all shapes, sizes and nationalities who have one common love…of running. I was just so excited to be back in the game and felt like this first race of my season was going to be my starter’s pistol for my future so to speak. It’s hard to put into words exactly the amount of disappointment that I felt and still feel about my missed opportunity.

It took a conversation with my friend Meredith to make me realize I was more disappointed with the fact that I missed my ‘training’ run for the weekend. My drive from the beginning had been to stay on track and not miss any training so that I could be ready and in good shape come March. She helped me realize there are going to be things that are going to come up and those things may prevent us from training for a day. We may have to reschedule a run or scrap it all together. There are some thing that are out of our control as much as we’d like to ignore that fact. I didn’t plan on getting the flu or food poisoning or whatever it was. As much as I would like to say I was strong and ran my half marathon and stopped to puke when needed; I couldn’t do that. It was something completely out of my control and there was nothing I could say, do, or think that could change or fix it.

I just need to work through it, put a lid on my disappointment and make myself actually believe what rational self already knows: this is not going to dissuade me from where I’m headed, it’s a little stumbling block and nothing more. Just like everything else in life, my training is not going to be perfect or crystal clear. It will consist of the good, the bad, and the ugly and I will just have to go with the flow.