My Hat-Trick and Surgery Decisions

I like hockey. Most women don’t. I think it’s residual from my ex-boyfriend. He was a Redwings fan. Of course now that means I dislike them with a burning passion. I still like hockey though. Mostly when they fight. The game itself is okay. I prefer to go watch in person rather than on TV though. I don’t like the sport of boxing or MMA or wrestling or any of that, but for some reason when I see two guys beating the heck out of one another in a hockey rink, I get a secret thrill.

Thus the term “hat-trick”. That’s the term I use when I refer to my back to back to back races that I did in February/March of this year. The first two I already wrote about. I did the Lost Dutchman Half-Marathon and then Ragnar Del Sol. The week after that I did The Phoenix Half-Marathon. This was my third year in a row doing it. It’s a really good race. I did the inaugural half-marathon, the inaugural full-Marathon the year after and then the half-marathon this year (since I had to drop down from the full because of my weird leg thing).

It was a really good race. Oddly enough my leg didn’t bother me until almost the end of the race. It rained that morning and sprinkled on and off throughout the race. I spent the first mile in a poncho and garbage bag, but quickly became too hot and took it off. It’s a good look, don’t you think?

I thought I would be exhausted after running a half-marathon  and then over half-marathon distance the week after and then running a half again. I was right. I could definitely feel the fatigue in my body. At that point my soul was even fatigued! I saw a few familiar faces during that race. I was absurdly excited every time I saw someone I knew.

I was actually on my way to a new PR oddly enough before my stomach started hurting me really bad. I felt as though I had a huge side-stitch or cramps or something. I hurt but couldn’t quite put a name to the hurt. I decided to stop at one of the porta-potties on the route against my better judgment. I had been drinking a lot of water so I thought maybe I just over drank before the race.

Unfortunately I wasted about 6 minutes standing in a line I didn’t think was too long when I first got in it. It took forever for it to be my turn though. The pain didn’t go away, but I plugged on regardless. I was secretly hoping I could make up the time I just wasted and have a PR anyway.

It didn’t quite happen for me. Between my stomach, my increasing exhaustion and my stubborn leg that decided to start locking up on me the last mile, I didn’t get a PR. I didn’t do too terrible considering.

Not the most glamorous post-race photo but I included it because you can see the tiredness and deliriousness written on my face. I wasn’t even sure I would be able to drive home I was so tired. After meeting up with my friends though, and walking around for a little while, I perked up a little and was able to make it home for the best warm shower and nap. I had been cold to the bone the entire race because I had run in wet clothes from the rain most of the race. It was also windy and below average temps for the day so by the time I got home, a hot shower was definitely on the agenda!

Me and my peeps (I didn’t realize it until just now, but apparently we just naturally arranged ourselves in order of height-kinda. Hahaha.

I don’t know if you can read that but I had it inscribed with “3 in a row. Celebrate EVERY Mile!”

That’s kind of my slogan. I love that. You SHOULD celebrate every mile good or bad. You never know when your last mile, will indeed be the last mile you ever run.

The Saturday after my hat-trick.

After that last race, my stomach started bothering me off and on for no apparent reason. I had an appointment for my yearly checkup at the same doctors office, but with a different doctor than the one who told me I needed surgery. This doctor was amazing. She addressed all my concerns and questions that I had regarding my cysts. She talked with me like a real person and not like I was taking up her time and inconveniencing her. She also explained things to me in a way that made sense.

She told me my current stomach issues were a side effect from my cysts because they kept growing. She could now feel them just by pushing on my abdomen. She was honestly surprised I had no pain in the months prior. I ended up deciding to switch doctors and have her do my surgery. I kind of felt bad about switching doctors. It’s not that I thought the other doctor didn’t know what she was doing, but I felt immediately at ease with this new doctor.

I did tell her I would not be able to have the surgery until after school was out in May. There was no way I could take the required 4 weeks off for recovery at the end of the school year with so much to do. She told me I was on restriction and would not be able to work-out or run at all until the surgery. She also informed me if my pain got worse I needed to go directly to the ER and let them know about my cysts because one could have ruptured or twisted  itself on my fallopian tube.

I was disappointed about being faced with  a lack of a physical outlet, but after telling me everything that could go wrong since I had to wait to have the surgery, a little vacation from exercise didn’t seem so bad. She also told me I needed to avoid lifting anything heavy. I think ‘heavy’ is a little too broad of term. She said anything over 10 pounds. To me that’s not heavy. I was starting to pack up my classroom to move across campus to a new grade level and new building. I am not going to lie. I have a lot of stuff. I tried to take it as easy as I could, but stuff happens as they say.

I’m really not great at asking people for help. I always feel like when I do, I am inconveniencing the other person. So I probably lifted more than I should. I am a very concise packer and needed everything in its place anyway. I started to have more pain in my stomach than before. A lot of people told me I was having the pain because now I was aware that I had an issue. Kind of psychosomatic if you will. I disagree. I just think I was running out of room in my abdomen and the cysts kept growing and everything I was doing was irritating them. Regardless, I felt as though I was in constant pain. Most of the time I tried to mask it so I wouldn’t be told to ‘take it easy’ or that I was ‘doing too much’. I also didn’t want people to fuss over me and make a big deal about it. I was already nervous enough (and getting more nervous by the day), and as long as I pretended everything was okay, everyone left me alone. A few times though,  the sharp pains I was getting had me on my knees. June couldn’t come soon enough.

Marathon Milestone-The Last 6 Miles

So someone emailed me asking when I was going to finish posting about my marathon experience. I honestly thought I had! I had it written and had it ready to go, but apparently I was distracted or called away from the computer as I found it sitting in my draft screen waiting to be brought into creation. No wonder I didn’t get any comments on it! Ooops! My bad! For those of you who emailed me and brought this oversight to my attention…many thanks!

Here it is…

(continued from previous)

I think the last six miles of this marathon were the hardest things I have ever done in my whole life. I wanted to cry (I teared up at one point, but I didn’t do let loose for fear I wouldn’t stop). I was both physically and mentally exhausted at this point.

This is where my story takes an interesting turn. You can interpret it however you’d like; but this is my experience from the last six:

My story left off at Mile 20

I reached mile 20 and there was another machine there to (I’m assuming) capture our timing chips. Mine had long ago fallen off of my bib. I managed to catch it before it completely wiggled free, and ended up threading it through my SPI belt. The weird picture-frame sized timing devices were fastened to the back of the bibs with no more than a little glue it seemed. I had actually seen several of them laying on the road as my run progressed. I had started feeling bad and began gathering the ones I saw and adding them to mine on my belt. I kept envisioning all of those poor people who just ran a marathon getting a “did not finish” because the defective timing chips fell off. I figured at least I could help them finish by carrying them across the finish line with me, even though they wouldn’t be the correct time for the individual people. I had about 5 or 6 by the time I reached the 20 mile mark. I asked the people manning the equipment at mile 20 what I should do with them. They said I could just turn them in, but at that point I didn’t know which one was mine and I didn’t want to get a “did not finish” either so they told me I could just keep them with me.

I ran on. At that point my whole body was starting to hurt. My stomach issue was now the least of my concerns. I was pretty proud of myself for keeping myself fueled and hydrated though. I was starting to lag again. The route had turned into a familiar area. I had lived in this part of Mesa before my parents moved into the house they bought. I was young, so I had very foggy memories of that time, but still remembered playing with my brother and some of the neighbor kids. Although I hadn’t been in that area in a while, it was familiar to me.

I hit mile 21 and I’m not going to lie…it wasn’t pretty. I was sweaty, and red and huffing and puffing and I wanted very much to just sit down. Then I saw one of the sixth-grade teachers from my school. She was manning one of the water stations! She saw me a second after I recognized her and yelled my name and started clapping. I almost started crying. She ran over and gave me a hug. I apologized for being sweaty and gross and she started laughing. “You’re running a marathon! You’re entitled to be sweaty! I’m so happy I got to see you!” I picked up some more water, had them refill my containers once again, and one of the girls helping out asked me if I wanted her to splash me with some water. At that point it had to have been at least 70 degrees. I could already feel my skin burning so I gave her a very enthusiastic yes.

Little did I know, the other girls were excited about the prospect of throwing water on me too. Soon I was having cups of water thrown at me and on me from every direction. I even got one right in the eyes. I’m sure it was funny to anyone running by, but I was thoroughly enjoying every cold wet moment of it. If I listened closely enough I could probably have heard my skin sizzling. I was most definitely refreshing! I bid my farewell and thanks to the girls and took off again.

It was so hot out I dried almost immediately. I started lagging again. I had started playing a game in my head with this girl who would run past me and then I would catch up and pass her. We traded places a few times before she finally caught up to me and started talking to me. It turned out we were both about the same age. She was married and works for the city ( I think…my brain wasn’t fully functional at this point). We kept each other entertained for the next mile or so. We decided to keep running together because we were keeping each other sane. She told me her name, but for the life of me I can’t remember it (and I do feel horrid about that). Becky? Michele? Jennifer? Regardless it was a very girly name. One that could not be mistaken for a boy or girl name.  (the importance of the name will come in later…just be patient).

By mile 23 I was ready to call it quits. I have never felt anything like what I was feeling at that time. Even my hair was hurting. I was so physically exhausted I didn’t know how I was going to finish. I knew that if I even sat down for a second, I could quite conceivably fall asleep. Me and my new running buddy started setting goals. “Let’s run to the first blue trash can and then walk until the third blue can”, “Run to the stoplight and then walk through the intersection”. That kind of thing. It kind of worked, in that we were still running but were mentally giving ourselves a break.

That’s when things got a little eerie.

A dragonfly seemed to be pacing us. My new friend even remarked how odd it was to see a dragonfly this time of year. I had seriously been on the verge of stopping. Just stopping moving. I would have stopped and stood rooted in my spot until someone could come physically move me. My body was being pushed past its limits and I just wanted to…stop. Then the dragonfly showed up.

I had been thinking about my mom and dad at various points during the day. My dad died in August about 7 years ago. This May it will be two years for my mom. I couldn’t help but wonder what they would think about all of this. I had just started running when my mom got sick. My dad had never known me as a runner. What would they think about their daughter the marathon runner? If they had been alive would they come out and support me?

My mom had this thing about dragonflies. She was a camp councilor one summer and there was a little girl named Jamie that reminded her of me. They had an inside joke about dragonflies and if one of them was having a bad day, all they would have to do was say, “dragonflies” and they would laugh or smile. She told me the story and it made me laugh too. Every time I could hear in her voice she was having a tough day (over the phone since she moved to Georgia) I would say “dragonflies” and she would have a better day. Dragonflies were her thing.

When I first started running I swear I would see a dragonfly every time I ran, no matter the time of day or the year. I always thought it was my mom checking up on me or saying hi or supporting me. No, I’m not a weirdo who thinks my mom died and became a dragonfly. I just like to believe her and my dad are both looking out for me wherever they are and sending a dragonfly is my mom’s way of saying hello.

So this dragonfly was keeping up with us for about a half a mile I swear. It would zoom ahead and come back, it would wind between the two of us, but it never left. I gave myself a little mental pep talk and thought of my mom telling me, “You’ve come this far. You have run 23 miles. You only have 3.2 left to go. I know you are tired, I know you are hurting and I know you can do this!” I pushed on. I knew I didn’t want to quit. If I had to crawl on my hands and knees to finish I would.

Eventually the dragonfly left. Every once in a while I would see a dragonfly zoom past us. I don’t know if it was the same one, but every time I caught a glimpse, I sped up a little. My new friend and I (did I mention I feel really, really, really bad that I can’t remember her name?) kept pushing on. We talked about random things. Most of which I can’t remember. I was concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other and not falling down. Soon I looked up and realized where we were.

We had one more down hill section, and a corner to turn, then the finish line would be within our sights. I told her as much and she echoed my sentiments about wanting to be done. Mentally I was still ready to run, but my body was shutting down on me. My legs gave out a few times, but I managed to stay upright and get myself together. We ran down the last hill, which was a welcome respite. I love it when gravity lends a hand with propelling me forward. I stumbled a little on some loose rock at the bottom and Ms. X reached out to steady me. I told her I was so glad she started talking to me. She told me the same and added, “I may have quit back there if I hadn’t had you to keep me company”. We agreed to cross the finish line together.

We rounded the corner after the hill and we entered Bass Pro Drive. Home of the finish line! I heard a cowbell behind me and turned around. My friend Elaine was behind me on her bike ringing her cowbell like mad! She was a sight for sore eyes! She told me I was almost there. I had a moment of panic when we turned that corner and I still could not see the finish. She informed me I had one more little corner and I should be able to see it. She was going to ride ahead and tell Meredith and Dave I was coming.

We rounded that corner, my exhausted friend and I, and there through the palm trees we could see the banner flapping in the breeze that marked the end of my 6 month journey. I couldn’t help myself. My face broke out into a cheesy grin and I started to run in earnest towards the finish. As I drew nearer a bubble of laughter erupted and I raised my arms in triumph. I had done it! I did not give up on myself. I. Just. Ran. A. Marathon. 26.2 miles of literal blood, sweat, and tears! I dug deep down inside and pushed with all I had and sprinted to the finish. Dave and Meredith were somehow in the finish chute (I later found out our friend Rob managed to disassemble one of the barricades and they snuck through). I was grateful because not only was I really glad to see them, Dave got some really great action shots of me crossing the finish!

This is me and my anonymous friend right before the finish.

I ran through the finish line and ran straight into my group of friends. I was afraid I wasn’t going to stop. I had given my everything at that last moment. Someone handed me a cold wet washcloth and it was the best thing I had ever felt. I wiped it over my face, my neck and my shoulders. It was cooling and refreshing. Then the hugging started. When you are a runner finishing a race and someone wants to hug you, you don’t think about how unbelievably gross you are. You just do it!

First I got hugs from Meredith and Elaine who both wanted pictures, then I got hugs from Dave and Rob and my new friend. We took some pictures together and then Meredith took off to find her Ragnar friends who had gone to find their bags.

Me and Meredith. She finished about 45 minutes ahead of me.

 

Me and my supportive buddy. (Who took off and I never saw again after that picture)

This is my favorite picture. Just look at that hair flying and cheesy grin would ya! This was taken by Dave right as I crossed that finish line.

Soon we set off to the finishers “expo” in search once more of Meredith’s friends who were nowhere to be found. Everyone was closing up shop. I was disappointed. Rubio’s was one of the vendors and they had run out of food. Almost everyone had run out of product by the time I had finished. That’s  why everyone was closing up shop. I did manage to snag and OtterPop and a piece of bread with butter. I ended up ditching the bread because it kept sticking in my throat. My stomach was still rebelling, but darn it if that OtterPop wasn’t the best thing I ever tasted (next to those orange slices from earlier of course.

I had actually seen this sign as I was running. I saw several that said things like “Me and Jamie”, “Go Jamie”, “Go ME”, etc. At the time I had pretended they were for me. My own personal cheering section to keep me motivated. I even had stopped to take  a picture of this one early on:

As it turns out, the signs were for me! Well for Meredith and I. Elaine had ridden her bike along the course and hung all these amazing signs! I didn’t know that when I snapped that picture. It was awesome!

Dave also had this for me:

I was sitting at that point because my legs could no longer support me. I also had my shoes off but you can’t see it in the picture. I was checking to make sure I had all my toenails still. I had a swollen foot, and a wicked bruise on one of my big toes; but other than that had no blisters or bleeding piggies! I got super lucky! Soon we met up with Meredith’s friends and we ended up parting ways. They went back to her house and I headed home in search of a shower.

After the finish line, it was kind of anticlimactic ending. I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t disappointed in the way things ended. I was kind of hoping to see the little girls and my parent from school, but I took longer to finish than I planned (they did tell me later they were there for about 45 minutes and it was fun to cheer for and watch people finish). I had also been secretly hoping that my family was going to surprise me and show up to the finish. I knew it was a long shot, because I knew everyone had things they needed to do that day; but the hope was still there.

My aunt and uncle told me they were proud of me when I got home. I was pretty proud of myself actually. I had moments of self-doubt. A lot of moments of self-doubt. We are our own worst enemies that is for sure. That’s  something I need to work on.

When things started to get hard, when I started feeling sick again, when I was hurting, when I was ready to throw in the towel; someone would run by me at the right moment and say something supportive. My friends all showed up when I needed them along the route.  I had some support from a dragonfly, and I had my guardian angel running beside me.

Later when I was trying to find my time (which was missing for about a week before they found me because that timing device apparently malfunctioned), I looked up the bib number of my running buddy to find out her name once and for all. It was very odd. It gave me goosebumps. It had her listed as being named “Marty” which I would have remembered because that was my father’s name. It also had her listed as being in the 50-54 age group (which she clearly was not). My father was 50 when he died.

I’ve had a lot of time to think about things. I’m not a religious person. I’m not into a bunch of superstitious mumbo jumbo or anything like that. I do believe things happen for a reason though. I believe there are things out there we can’t explain. I took the dragonfly and the person running beside me and supporting me when I needed it most being named Marty, as my mom and dad being with me on this important day and helping me achieve what I once thought was impossible. Some people think that’s a little crazy but I like to believe they were thinking about me and loving me from wherever they are.

My final time was 6:07:37. My goal was just to finish. My secret goal (I voiced to no one but myself) was to finish a lot sooner than that. I’m not disappointed though. I had a lot of setbacks during training. I did pretty good considering the circumstances. I ran a marathon with what could either be food poisoning or the flu! I ran alone for most of it, and being inside my head for that long was a battle in itself!

I am a offical marathoner!

Running a marathon was never on my list of things to do. I will run another one. I want to run it better and earn a new PR. Plus I have to earn my “S”. So I can say I run marathon(s)!

I couldn’t walk for the next 3 days so I was glad I had arranged for a sub for that Monday. When I got back to school this was waiting for me on my desk from my friend Melinda:

Support makes all the difference in the world! Knowing people support and are cheering for you can keep you going long after you cross the finish line!

I will keep writing this blog even though it started out as a blog to document my training for family and friends. My story isn’t finished yet.

(I love this)

Marathon Milestone Part II

To continue…(and I will once again preface this with my apologies for being so long-winded. I just can’t say I ran and ran and ran some more and then I ran more and then I finished the end. I have to give details!)

The day of my first marathon dawned bright and early. Okay it really wasn’t bright but it was certainly early. Or depending how you look at it…very late. I had gone to bed after my preparations around 9:00pm with the plan of tossing and turning for an hour or so before falling asleep and then waking up with my alarm at 3:00am. The first part of my plan went smashingly…I did toss and turn, imagining the events of the next day. I also managed to fall asleep. I didn’t quite wake up with my alarm however.

I woke up at 12:45. It took a moment to figure out why I was awake. Generally when I fall asleep, I’m down until my bladder insists I wake up, or until my alarm wakes me up. As my foggy head cleared I realized I wasn’t feeling so well. My skin was hot and prickly though I felt chilled and my stomach was turning. I was so nauseous and I had a headache. I got up and popped some Pepto-Bismol tablets. I was hoping it was indigestion maybe from dinner, so I grabbed one of the bagels I had gotten for my morning fuel. I tore off a corner of it and shoved it in my mouth, hoping the bread-like substance would help calm my stomach. I ended up chewing on that one piece for about 10 minutes or so before I chugged a bunch of water to wash it down. My mouth was so dry I could barely swallow it. I put the rest of the bagel down and tried to go back to sleep.

I ended up tossing and turning for the rest of the night (morning?). I would get waves of nausea that would wake me up just as I had started to fall back asleep it seemed. It felt like my alarm was screaming at me by the time it went off at 3. I dragged myself out of bed to wash my face and brush my teeth then crawled back into my bed to just sit and stare off into space for about 10 minutes. I wasn’t feeling any better. I thought about trying to eat more of my bagel, but the thought of food was not appealing. I spent another 10 minutes debating whether or not I was going to be able to run.

I finally came to the conclusion that I had to try. Not even attempting to run was not an option. I didn’t want everyone thinking I wussed out because I was so nervous, and I certainly didn’t want anyone giving me that look of pity that indicated they thought I just couldn’t do it. What if my family decided to come and surprise me at the finish line? One of my parents at school told me she wanted to bring her girls down to see me finish, that it would be a great example for them to see ‘girl power’ in action. One of the teachers from my school said she was going to come cheer me on… I couldn’t let everyone else down; but mostly I couldn’t let myself down. For the last six months, this marathon has been a big focus in my life. My training, my eating habits, my sleep patterns; everything was centered around this day.

I got dressed, taking care to make sure I had everything I was supposed to such as my heart rate strap, my glide (for chafing), I placed my inhaler in the zipper pocket of my Nike capri running pants, etc. I taped up my foot, taking care to wrap it per the KT Tape website tutorial for both Achilles and heel pain. I got my shoes on and laced up, put my extra layers on that I would be shedding, and put some make-up on to try to hide the evidence of my sleepless night. I gathered my things into a tote I received as my “swag bag” from the Women’s Running Magazine half. I made sure I packed flip-flops for after, clothing to change into if needed, a bottle of water. Anything I thought I may possibly need went into that bag. Have I mentioned I am an over-planner???

I laid all my belts out on the bed and made sure I had my Cliff Shot Blocks secured into the loops on my water belt. I double checked I had all my stomach medicines and ibuprofen in the extra belt as well as my cell phone. I knew my battery wouldn’t last using it as an iPod, but I wanted to take it with me just in case. As I got everything ready I started feeling nauseous again. I (for some reason) kicked off my shoes and dashed into the bathroom just in time. In an effort not to be too graphic I will just say I threw up about twice. I sat on the bathroom floor afterwards shaking, with my eyes watering. I felt horrid. I was convinced then and there I would not be able to finish even if I tried, so why bother trying?

I sat there feeling miserable for a few more minutes making sure I wasn’t going to get sick again. I started thinking again about disappointing people and that look they would be giving me. Isn’t it amazing how much can be said with just a look? Feelings, thoughts, ideas, even whole conversations can be telegraphed through someones eyes and the set of their mouths. I was not looking forward to being on the receiving end of those.

Then I started thinking about my brother. I really didn’t want to have to call him and tell him I had failed before I even started. Michael has been nothing but supportive of me. He’s told me over and over how proud of me he is. He’s encouraged me when I was feeling weak, he’s been my own private motivator. He is all I have left of my mom and my dad, if I let him down I kind of felt like I’d be letting them down too. If they were both alive would they have come to see me run? Would they give me that look too when I quit before I started? I know Michael would be supportive of me no matter what, but he seemed so amazed at the idea of his sister running a marathon, that it physically hurt me to think about disappointing him.

All the negative things people have said to me in off-handed but blow-striking ways started going through my head. “You can’t run a marathon”, “You are insane”, “I knew you were going to quit”, “You’ve never been able to finish anything”, “Are you sure you know what you’re doing”, “What are you thinking?”, “You’re not a runner”. (Plus more). Did I want all of those things to become true? That’s what would happen if I didn’t go. Yes, I was sick; but for the last month I’d been sick off and on with weird stomach things. Would I be using this as an excuse? I wasn’t sure if it was what I ate for dinner or if I had the crud everyone around me seemed  to crop up with. I swear if I could’ve walked around in a protective bubble the week before the marathon, I would have. I used hand sanitizer so much my hands were dry. I didn’t want to get sick.

And here I was on the bathroom floor, feeling lower than low, feeling sorry for myself and kicking my own ass. The ass kicking part worked. I refused to listen to all of those non-supportive people who were whispering in my ear trying to infuse me with doubt for the last month. I took a shaky breath, stood up, brushed my teeth again and went to put my shoes back on. To all the doubters, the nay-sayers, the non-believers I was saying, “Watch me do this”.

I had the resolve to get me out the door, but I still wasn’t sure what would happen down the road. My stomach was still feeling a little rough so I sent a quick text to Meredith saying I would be driving myself. I told her I had gotten sick and was afraid I wasn’t going to be able to finish and didn’t want to be stuck at the finish, sick and waiting for her to give me a ride back. I probably could have called anyone in my family to come and pick me up had that been the case, but I didn’t want to see that look. Her reply to me was, “It’s just nerves”. I’ve had nerves before. Nerves don’t make me feel like I have the flu. I told her I was going to drive myself and that I would meet her at the buses.

All the way there I felt light-headed and nauseous. I was starting to get nervous then. In all the drama of the morning I had forgotten to be nervous about the race. At that point I was more nervous about being sick on the bus. School buses are a nauseating experience on a normal day much less when I was already feeling queasy. When I pulled into the parking area,  it was a surreal experience. The finish line was in a huge shopping center. Bass Pro Shop was one of the main anchors and we were to finish on Bass Pro Drive. I turned onto Bass Pro Drive and saw about 25 or more school buses lined up waiting to shuttle us to the start. It seemed like the parking lot lights were a dim glow compared to the lights shining from so many buses! It gave everything an odd yellow hue. And these were  just the shuttles for the full marathon. There were other buses in another lot for the half-marathon as well.

I parked and sent a couple of texts to Meredith to let her know where I parked and to ask when they’d be arriving. I got no response, so I called a few times. No response again. Either she didn’t have her phone or she was pissed at me from bowing out on the carpool with her and her Ragnar friends. (I found out later she didn’t have her phone). My stomach sank even more as I realized I’d be on the bus alone. I was in line about to go on when I heard someone yell my name.

It was my friend Augie! We had gone to high school together. Both of us were working hard to lose our unwanted weight and we had both started running. I had kind of prodded Augie into doing the marathon as he had completed his first half in November. Unfortunately schedule conflicts prevented us from doing any training together. I was hoping to see him at the finish line and here he was!  I got out of the bus line and went to the back of the line with him. I was so happy to see him! He was with a friend of his from the gym and told me several other people he knew would be running as well. The three of us got on the bus together and off we went!

Anyone who has lived in Arizona has had to taken a bus to go tubing at the Salt River. It’s almost like a rite of passage. Those bus drivers have driven that route so much it was old hat to them, and they scared the life out of people on a daily basis by zig-zagging around the windy narrow roads through the desert at hight speeds to the drop off point for tubing. This bus ride was not as bad as a romp up those scary roads, but it was pretty close. It was pitch black and we still had to follow several windy roads. I had to take a few deep breaths and center myself to keep from losing it right there on the bus.

By the time we pulled in I was ready to blow and needed to get off! We quickly exited onto the shooting grounds of Usery Pass Mountain. As children my brother and I had gone to Usery Mountain quite frequently and had explored many hills and gone on many hikes together. It’s full of cacti and other desert plants and animals. Stepping off of the bus and taking another deep breath, I smelled the scent of my childhood.

The Arizona desert (especially when it’s damp from morning dew or a rain storm) has a very distinctive smell. It’s clean and fragrant and invigorating. By the time we walked through the throng of people to stand in line at the porta-potties, my stomach had settled down somewhat. The three of us were nervous as this was all of our first marathon. We wanted to make sure we emptied our bladders before we took off. I’m glad we got in line when we did! Although there had to have been at least 20 porta-potties set up, the lines were long and getting longer by the minute. Everyone had the same idea.

After we finished we walked past the people huddled around fires and space heaters. It gets quite chilly in the desert when it’s not the high point of the day,  and there was a slight breeze that added to the chill. I was glad I opted for a clearance jacket and my $5 Lost Dutchman long-sleeved shirt from last year. They were keeping me warm! A DJ was keeping everyone lively until the start time. Augie and I both looked around for our respective friends but didn’t find them. We didn’t have long to wait before they started moving us toward the start line. They played The Star Spangled Banner which was awesome. There was not a peep until the end when everyone started cheering. The we saw this:

They were lighting off fireworks! It was so cool because they were directly overhead. The magnitude of the moment finally hit me. I was about to do something few people ever do (okay most people have no actual desire to do so-but still! ). I was going to be running a marathon! I quickly got my bib pinned to my tank top underneath my Lost Dutchman Shirt. I had tried to put it on the bib holder that was on my fuel belt, but with that weird picture-frame timing thing, it just wasn’t working. It made it way too stiff. As we walked down the road to the start we were being serenaded by men in kilts playing bag pipes. Another surreal moment. It seemed so fitting! It had started to get light so we took a few quick pictures before we lined up. Here are Augie and I pre-race:

 Augie said he’d stay with me for the first mile and then he’d be taking off. I was okay with that because right now I am still a slow runner and with my stomach doing somersaults I didn’t know how I’d be doing anyway. I did a quick double-check of all my gear, threw my ($3 clearance find from Wal-Mart) jacket on the side of the road, and we lined up. I knew everything that was going to be shed would be picked up and donated to charity, so I didn’t mind leaving some pieces behind.

As we waited I looked around at the people surrounding me. There were people of every race, color, nationality, size, shape, orientation and fitness level. I could tell who the professional runners were. The had the true “runners body” and had assumed their positions at the front of the pack. I was in awe of how many different body types and ages were out there. It was just further proof to me that there is no set image a person has to fall into to “look like a runner”. We were all there for one united reason and at that moment in time we were all kindred with nothing setting us apart from one another. It was an amazing feeling.

There was the boom of a cannon that resonated through the Arizona desert and we were off! As with most races we had to kind of shuffle until we got past the actual start line and then as the pack spread we could speed up. People were passing me left and right but I was passing people too. I quickly shed my gloves and my long-sleeved shirt (within the first 10 minutes) as it was proving to be a warmer day than forecasted. The sun had barely started peeking out from behind the mountains (Arizona also has some of the most amazing sunrises and sunsets). I had to have been in the upper 50’s already and it was barely 6:30.

As we passed the first mile-marker Augie took off with a “good luck”and left me to my own devices. I was okay with that. I was behind the 4:55 pacer and that was where I wanted to stay for the time being. A minute or so later I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked over to see Meredith and her Ragnar peeps. They were running behind the same pacer as me! I was happy to see them. I knew I couldn’t keep up for very long however and fell behind them as I struggled to get my inhaler out of my zipper pocket. I usually take it before I start running but I somehow forgot, and could now feel the familiar tightening of my chest. I took my two puffs, stuffed it back in my pants and almost immediately felt relief.

The first 6 miles of the run were very scenic. We ran through the desert areas and into an upscale neighborhood called Las Sendas. Las Sendas itself is also very scenic. They are larger floor plan homes with desert landscaping. There are also a few scattered parks and desert-y areas which makes it seem less like a neighborhood and more like a desert area with a few house placed here and there. Although it was a nice area to run in full of very nice people who came out onto their driveways and front yards to cheer us on (minus one very crabby lady who publicly complained via Facebook that her sleep was ruined at 7am), it was also the hilliest part of our run.

The first two miles of the run had been nice as it was all downhill and turned into a nice flat area. When we turned into Las Sendas I had to wonder if San Fransisco had given birth to a mini-city with cacti. It seemed like the whole time we were in Las Sendas we were going up. There was maybe one downhill part and then back up again. My legs were getting tired already!

We then crossed over to the Red Mountain Park area (another really nice neighborhood with sprawling, nicely landscaped yards) and I realized I’d be nearing the point where my friend from school, Melinda, had said she’d come out and cheer me on. She lived over in the area and said she might pop by. I debated shooting her a text and asking if she’d bring me some more Immodium. I had taken some before I left the house and gave my last two pills to Augie’s friend at the start line. She was stressing out because she left hers in the car, so I felt bad and gave her what I had left.

I didn’t need the Immodium for any particular reason at that point. I was still  nauseous and had stopped twice already to dry-heave and take deep breaths so I wouldn’t vomit. I thought maybe it would help with that aspect of whatever was going on with me. I opted not to stop and text her,  because I had stopped already to make myself not throw-up and didn’t want to waste anymore time trying to text.

As we exited the Red Mountain area I saw a woman waving a neon green sign on the corner. As I got closer she started yelling, “Go Jamie! I’m so proud of you! Go! Go! Go! Run girl!” I had my own personal cheering section! She had everyone else yelling my name too from the policemen who were helping control traffic, to the random guy sitting in his car waiting to go. I swear she even started doing some of the cheers we taught the girls earlier this school year when we were coaching! It was amazing!

That really helped light a fire under me when I was starting to lag. I still didn’t feel well, but the hills were behind me and that little moment of support helped fuel me to keep going. I even ate one of my Cliff Shot Blocks and drank some water. It didn’t sit to well on my stomach at first and I had to force it to stay down, but it did.

I could feel my phone vibrate once in a while and I took it out to see lots of text messages from people wishing me well. I was sending my friend Debi updates on my progress and she’d send me notes back like “You are awesome! Keep  going!”. It really helped having had Melinda there cheering for me, and having people sending me the encouraging messages. The volunteers along the course route were awesome too! At every water stop they were fully staffed and were yelling encouragement.  I was finding that this race was one of the most well-organized races I had seen. There were plenty of water stops, plenty of porta-potties along the route, traffic was kept at bay by the wonderful officers from the Mesa Police Department and the race volunteers whom were helping direct us were so supportive and friendly.

Along the route I kept forcing myself to eat a Shot Block every odd mile and I would stop at every water station for a cup of Poweraide and a cup of water. At one of the stations they had bananas and orange slices. I went for the orange slices and until the day I die I am going to insist that those were the best damn oranges I’ve ever eaten. I wasn’t hungry per se, but they just sounded really good and hit the spot! It got to the point I started grabbing two cups of water and even had them start refilling my water bottles. It was getting hot! I was sweaty from top to bottom and even with all the fluids, had yet to need to make a stop which is odd for me. I swear I have a bladder the size of an infants and have to stop all the time no matter what I’m doing. It didn’t really concern me because A. I was still focused on deep breathing and nausea fighting, and B. I was sweating so much that was probably why I didn’t have to pee.

The heat was dragging me down around mile 17 and I was starting to slow down. I was running closer to where we were to make a turn to head west (into the sun it felt like) and I was in my own little world.

In case I haven’t mentioned it before…I have a very eclectic mix of music on my iPod. I decided for this race I was going to put anything and everything on a playlist that I thought would help keep me going. If you haven’t seen the YouTube videos of The Harlem Shake going around I highly suggest you check one out. I’ve seen a couple that cracked me up so I threw that song into my mix as well.

It had popped onto my iPod and I was just getting ready to start actually doing the Harlem Shake as I was running just to keep myself entertained, when someone in a black pick-up truck drove by me honking the horn like a crazy person. I had no clue who it was so I just waved and kept going. A few minutes later I heard someone honking and screaming from behind me so I turned just in time to see that same black pick-up coming from the other direction. My friend Vickie was leaning out the window and pounding on the side of the truck as she yelled. I just knew that had to be her daughter (my friend Kellie’s) truck. They had driven by to see if they could spot me! I was so excited! Now that I knew who they were I gave them a whole-hearted wave and even a little jump of excitement. I’m sure the people running behind me thought I was a little crazy as well, but I didn’t care!

A little farther down the road I saw Kellie and Vickie standing on the side of the road yelling for me! I ran a little faster to get to them and the both gave me high-five’s and told me to keep going. They promptly got back into the truck and as I turned the corner, drove by me one last time honking and waving. Again, that show of support gave me another much-needed boost!

Around mile 20 I started to lose faith in myself. My stomach didn’t feel 100%, but the urge to purge was not so insistent anymore. I took a picture of the 20 mile sign and posted it to Facebook with the caption  “Somebody slap me”. I was having to run/walk at this point. It was hellishly hot, my head was pounding and felt like someone was jabbing an ice pick into my brain. I was still getting supportive texts from Debi, but didn’t have the energy or the brain power to open up my SPI belt and take my phone out. The crowd of runners had thinned considerably, and I was starting to worry about the sag wagon coming for me. I still had plenty of time according to my watch, about an hour and 45 minutes. That should be plenty of time to run 6 miles. Six miles were nothing!

Okay maybe six miles is nothing at the beginning of a race, or if you’re running a 10k or maybe even a half marathon; but after having already ran 20 miles, 6 miles felt like the most daunting task I had ever faced. A million times along the course I had wanted to quit. I wanted to just give in and admit defeat, but a million times I gave myself a reason to keep moving and not give in. The urge to quit during that first 20 miles however was not as great as what I experienced in the last six miles.

The last six miles were action packed and now that I’m clearly thinking, a little eerie. As I write this, I’m now thinking the last six and the weird part of my story deserve their own post.

To be continued…again…

Marathon Milestone Part 1

Hello friends! Yes I have been horrible at posting lately. Life has been a little heavy on the nutty side, and I haven’t had as much time as I’d like to dedicate to writing. I am going to apologize in advance as this post will be heavy on the photo side and probably pretty wordy too! I FINALLY RAN MY FIRST FULL MARATHON!!!! Super-exciting and action packed!

My first full-marathon was March 2, 2013. It was an exciting day for many reasons! Before I go into all the details I need to back up a day to the eve of the marathon.

I did not take the day off of work. I had pre-arranged to have a substitute on standby for the Monday following the marathon because I had no idea what condition I would be in physically. I felt bad taking that Friday off, and I knew I would be a big ball of nerves sitting at home anyway so off to school I went.

The plan was for me to go to school, head over to Road Runner Sports after school to pick up my bib and my shirt, and then I was to meet Meredith and her Ragnar friends for a pre-race dinner. Meredith ran the Florida Keys Ragnar with an amazing group of people. Two of them were coming out to run the Phoenix Marathon so they said they would pace her and help her get across the finish line, which I thought was totally cool.

I was trying to finish up some things at school when I received a text message from my friend Lauren. Lauren is one of my absolute favorite people. We worked together at my first school and quickly became friends. We don’t get to hang out as often as I’d like, but we still have the occasional lunch and check up on each other. She had asked me if I got anything in my box from her that day. I had told her no and she said she sent me something and they said it was supposed to be delivered that day.

Although school was out I hustled over to the office in hopes the staff was still there and inquired if I had received anything. Our principal’s secretary said they hadn’t had a chance to sort the mail but I was welcome to go through the pile. My little hand soon came in contact with an envelope with my name on it and I got excited. The ladies that were still in the office told me to open it there so I did. This is what was in it:

and on the inside:

I  started getting all teary-eyed right then and there while I was reading it! She had worked so hard to make me this beautiful display of encouragement! All those pictures were taken from various points in my training. She had ‘borrowed’ them from my Facebook page! This was the most thoughtful, surprising, and heartwarming thing. I never expected it! Lauren was going to have to miss seeing me cross the finish line because she was going to be attending another friend of ours’ bachelorette weekend, and wanted me to know she would still be supporting me every step of the way.

That definitely made my day! I was so excited I had to run around and show everyone just like a little kid. They all probably thought it was nuts; but I just wanted to share my joy! I quickly finished up at school and headed to Road Runner to pick up my race package! Meredith had taken the day off and she and her Ragnar friends were hanging out at a spring training game (Arizona is a happening place this time of the year with baseball spring training games!). They had picked up their packets early so I had no idea what to expect. Meredith had sent me a text saying the shirts were ‘nice’ so I was anxious to get mine.

It wasn’t as crowded as I thought it was going to be. They even had a little race expo out in the parking lot that I wasn’t expecting. I was even more excited to go in then. I love a good expo! I bypassed most of the booths so I could go pick up my info before I took my time to wander around. I didn’t have to wait at all to pick up my bib number and was told I needed to go inside to pick up my shirt and my bag. They had me walk over a blue mat with wires under it, with my bib in hand,  to make sure it registered and called out my name to make sure it was me. Everything seemed to be in good order so I went into the store. The bibs were different from any I had ever seen. Normally in a race, I’ve either gotten a D-tag for my shoe (the little orange strip you wind through your shoelace that has a self-adhesive tab on it, or the bib itself has a little strip on the back that says “do not bend” for the timing chip. This bib was unique in that it had a big foam rectangle on the back that almost looked like a picture frame. This was supposed to be our timing chip. It was very thick and awkward, so I wasn’t sure how I was going to put it onto my fuel belt the next morning.

As I moved into the store through the line, I heard others commenting on the oddity of the timing chip as well so I didn’t feel like I was the only one. The nice thing about running the full was that I was able to bypass the majority of the line and go to the last table for the full-marathon shirts. It made me feel kind of special and ‘elite’ if only for that one brief moment! I was quickly handed my shirt and my little blue bag and made a beeline for the expo outside. I was so excited to see what was in store I just shoved my shirt into the bag without really even looking at it. I was able to see it was red (my least favorite color-I can’t help it. I think red is an angry color) as I shoved it in the bag; but I didn’t pay attention to the details.

I wandered around the expo for a bit looking at all the cool running swag. I saw some really nice charms I wanted to get for myself but then I heard Meredith’s voice whispering in my subconscious, “I’m not buying anything with a 26.2 on it, until I actually finish. I don’t want to jinx myself”. Darn her! I decided I had better wait until the next day at the finish line. Most of the vendors said they’d be there the next day. I did see a pink Nike “Phoenix Marathon” shirt I really wanted; but the girl at that booth was more interested in eating Teddy Graham’s apparently and was ignoring me and about two other people. I don’t know what the fascination was, but she was discussing them in detail with another woman. Oh well! I guess they lost my sale plus the other two people who walked away with me!

I looked at my phone and saw it was time to head out for dinner already (I had stayed at school longer than I planned trying to make sure I had everything ready for a sub Monday just in case). We had decided on Olive Garden because it was the most ‘user friendly’ restaurant we could all agree on. Meredith’s post-race fuel of choice is sushi (gag), and even though they had ‘normal’ non-sushi food at her restaurant I was afraid to try something new the night before. I’m generally a steak and potato girl before a race, but no one wanted that so we compromised with the old runner’s stand-by of pasta.

Meredith and company had finished with their spring training game, so they had headed to Olive Garden to get a table. It was Friday, so we knew there’d be a wait. For those of you who aren’t aware, Arizona is a hotspot for “winter visitors” or snowbirds as we call them. They come from all the really cold states for the winter because our winters are generally pretty mild (not really this year-but normally they are). Olive Garden is located smack dab in the middle of several retirement “resorts”. Generally the restaurants in this area are packed because of this phenomenon; but the ‘birds’ generally eat dinner anytime between 4-5:30ish so anytime after that isn’t too bad. It was going on 6:00 so we didn’t have too long of a wait by the time I got there.

Yes, I randomly take pictures of my food. This is what we all ended up ordering. Even Dave, who wasn’t running but wanted to show his support in food solidarity. It was really good angel hair pasta with marinara and chicken. I can’t remember what it was called but it was on their “lighter” menu. One of Meredith’s Ragnar friends has run several marathons and was giving us advice like “avoid anything with the word’s creamy, spicy, oily, or with the word sausage”. With my stomach issues I was trying to play it safe so I followed the group and just ordered what they were all having. I even managed to choke down water with lemon for my beverage of choice (boring!). About halfway through the meal I started feeling a little off so I ended up pushing the food around my plate more than eating it. I think I killed about half of that portion which wasn’t too bad. I attributed it to nerves and shrugged it off.

Soon it was time to go home and get my gear ready for the morning and get showered and prepped! I still had no idea what I was going to wear. I started stressing about getting enough sleep, but I had made sure I got plenty of sleep the night before (I think I went to bed around 7ish), in hopes of off-setting the lack of sleep from nerves.

I got home and started laying everything out I’d need for the morning. I also took everything out of my blue bag from the expo and got a look at my shirt for the first time. Although I generally deny liking the color red in any way, shape, or form, I was a little in love with this shirt! This was the nicest race shirt I had ever seen!

This is the back (with my bib on it for the picture’s sake). It’s a Nike shirt with their really nice moisture wicking material. I love the way it feels on! My favorite part is the front:

Although I generally prefer a v-neck this one is low enough to where it doesn’t bother me. It has the embroidered Nike Swoosh on it which is nice and the Phoenix Marathon logo. The shirts were differentiated for the full, the half, and the 10k which was awesome. I love sporting that 26.2 on the front! This is my new favorite shirt!

After I got done playing with all the swag in my blue bag (mostly just coupons or advertisements-but there was a pair of really cool black arm sleeves with the Phoenix Marathon logo on them), I tried to decide what to wear. I knew it was supposed to be somewhere around 70 by the time we finished, so I knew while we were running it would be pretty warm (especially since my body heat goes up like 20 degrees when I run).

I’m in this whole feeling bad about my body phase again (I’m trying really really hard to get out of it) so I was stressing about what exactly to wear. I didn’t want to wear shorts because I was afraid of chub rub from my thighs and I didn’t want to wear my capris. There was a horrible picture I saw from the week before when I ran the Lost Dutchman half. I’m wearing the capris but the bottom half of my body looks GINORMOUS and out-of-proportion, which is odd because when I ran PF Changs two weeks prior to that I’m wearing capris and I look normal. My body couldn’t have changed that much in two weeks!

Everyone keeps telling me it’s just the camera and that I don’t really look like that, but I’ve been feeling that my body has morphed into an odd shape from all the running I’ve been doing. I know I am for sure bottom heavy now with all the crazy muscles I’ve got going on in my legs. I don’t know how to explain it exactly…I just didn’t feel like myself and it’s just…weird (for lack of a better way to explain it). Regardless I opted for the capris as I didn’t want to worry about shorts and chafing. I had tried on a Brooks running skirt at Dick’s Sporting Goods a few days before and I loved it, but was afraid to run in something I had never ran in before.

As a concession to the heat factor I opted for a tank top versus a t-shirt to help keep me cool since I would be wearing longer pants. I laid out the rest of my gear: sunglasses, fuel belt, iPod, socks, headband, HRM, inhaler etc. I even had a separate SPI belt that I had chapstick, bandaides, Immodium, Pepto tablets, ibuprofen, and Excedrin Migraine in (just in case).  I pulled my Garmin off of the charger and it beeped at me telling me low battery. I seriously almost freaked out! It had been on the charger for a few days, but must have come loose from the connections and didn’t charge at all. I quickly put it back on the charger in hopes it would have enough of a charge to work the next morning.

I checked and double checked everything, and then checked again. I was so nervous I would forget something. I took my shower, said goodnight to the family and they surprised me with this:

Another unexpected show of support! Once again I had tears in my eyes! I headed off to bed with a warm heart and excitement for the next morning! We were planning on leaving Meredith’s house at 4:30 as the last shuttle to the start was supposed to leave at 5:15. That meant I would be getting up at 3am.

As I tried to calm myself down and go to sleep I remember envisioning how the next morning would go. I was thinking about all the support from people cheering from the sideline’s we’d have, and I was re-checking my gear in my head and I actually managed to fall asleep!

Once I get writing, things just come pouring out. I didn’t intend on the “night before” segment to end up being so long, so changed the name to “Part 1” and will be writing a separate post on the marathon itself. I’m getting all excited all over again to share it with you! Now I get to live it all over again with a much clearer head and not so much of a fatigue factor…

See you on the flip-side!

High-Fiving Lady Liberty

I’m running a marathon in 4 days! I’M STARTING TO FREAK OUT A LITTLE. Okay now that is out of the way…Yes, It’s been far too long since I’ve updated everyone on my marathon training progress…I checked out for a little while. Those of you who know me, know that when I am stressed, upset, or am trying to suss things out; I tend to become quiet and thoughtful and apparently that trait extends to my writing as well. I’m going to have to be diligent at posting a little every night until I can get caught up in my whirlwind of the last few weeks…

I was reading back on my last post. The one with the disastrous run. I was in bad shape then. Mentally that is. Physically too. That doubt is a bitch. She’ll whisper and dig deep and hold on with all her might. I’ve been really trying hard not to listen to her. I know she’s still sitting on my shoulder trying to put negative ideas into my head, and once in a while one slips through; but I really am trying hard to find a big enough fly-swatter to squash her for good.

Enough about doubt! My longest training run was just three short weeks ago. We were scheduled for 20 miles. If that number sounds daunting…that’s because it is! I woke up at the crack of dark and headed over to Meredith’s house. We weren’t sure how long it would take us. The weird weather continued it’s ADHD pattern and decided it would keep us nice and cold that morning. Dressing in layers was the order of the day!

We did about 8 miles around the same old route we’ve been running in Meredith’s neighborhood. I’ve become old hat at that route now it seems. We were going to continue on our merry way down a main street and then down  a canal path that would ensure we’d have a good path to follow for about 4 and a half miles and back. I was surprised at the pace we’d been running in Meredith’s neighborhood. It wasn’t too shabby for my pace of late. I knew we’d be going down the canal with no restroom in sight and my stomach was starting to let me know something was up, so I used the facilities at Meredith’s house before we headed off.

She was running a little ahead of me which is fine, and this time we had not only Elaine accompanying us on her bike, but our friend Rob as well! Double treat! We all headed off down the main road and hopped onto the first leg of the canal. It was so confusing to me. I need to strap a GPS to my chest permanently. My sense of direction is not good at all. I could get lost in a grocery store I swear. The way the canal was crisscrossing over streets we had already ran past was so confusing to me.

By the time we got to the first major street we’d have to cross (the canal went south through a bunch of main roads), my tummy was definitely doing some grumbling. I told Elaine I was going to need to stop somewhere. I told her I was feeling good (other than my stomach) and wanted to keep going, but I wasn’t going to make it if I didn’t stop. I had her ride her bike ahead and let Meredith know I had to stop for a minute.

The venue I chose was Starbucks. I knew they had a restroom, and when I saw it pop up over the horizon I was so grateful! I felt really bad going in there just to use the restroom! (Later that day I went through the drive-through just to make up for it). I felt a little better after my pit stop (without going into too much detail, as I’m sure you’d like to avoid hearing about all that), so I continued on the canal path.

About a mile in, my stomach started up again. I don’t know what was going on, but I was not  happy. I had eaten at Pei Wei the night before which I never usually have any issues with. I did have the Spicy Korean (my favorite!) which was probably not the best choice the night before a 20 miler. I had also been trying those Cliff Shot Blocks. I’m trying to find something that I can use since GU makes me…well…Gu makes me poo (hahaha). I was wracking my brain to figure out what was going on with my stomach. I was fine for the first 8 miles until I felt that slight cramping that prompted me to go at Meredith’s.

(Yes I do realize my quick “I’m still alive and kicking” post is now running a little long…but it was an eventful day!)

To try to make a long story short (whenever I hear someone say that I think of the characters in the movie CLUE yelling, “Too Late!!”) Rob and Elaine were alternating between me and Meredith on their bikes. They were for sure getting their mileage in that day! I had switched to run/walking because every once in a while during the running part, my stomach would let me know it was still not happy and I’d have to walk.

I used to never be comfortable at all about talking about bodily functions. It’s always been kind of forbidden or taboo. Once you’re a runner, all that is thrown out the window. Every person I know who runs, has had issues at one time or another and we all share in those issues. It’s kind of like discussing toenails falling off or chafing in uncomfortable places. We’ve all been there and done that…it’s a common part of a runner’s life.

I finally reached the turn around point. Meredith wasn’t as far ahead of me as I’d assumed she would be. I didn’t catch her on her way back until I was about a quarter of a mile to my turn around point. She looked like she was running a pretty strong and steady pace. I was jealous, I’m not going to lie. I’m still kicking my own ass for taking so much time off from running. (Yea, good idea Jamie…let’s take six months off and then jump into training for a MARATHON.)

On the way back Elaine was with Mer and I was with Rob. I felt bad (story of my life) because I had to keep walking and I felt so slow! I kept telling Rob he didn’t have to stay with me. He kept saying, “I know, if I didn’t want to stay with you I wouldn’t”. I finally let up and just kept on. With each step I took my stomach was sending danger signals. I had almost finished all my water at that point as I had the worst cotton mouth. Rob disappeared over the horizon and I started contemplating scaling walls into people’s backyards to knock on their door and ask to use the bathroom. Elaine came over the horizon about two miles and half a dozen imagined senarios later. She said I didn’t look so good. This prompted the swapping of many poop stories. It was actually kind of entertaining and reassuring all at the same time. I told her if I didn’t get to a restroom soon I was pretty sure I was not going to make it.

She told me just to go on the side of the canal where the dirt dropped off into a little ditch area.She would spot for me to make sure no one was coming.  I totally would have done it too, if there had not been the obvious lack of toilet paper.I couldn’t handle that.  She told me it was only about a mile and a half back to that Starbucks I had already visited. At that point I was full-on walking. There was no way I was going to be able to run and clench at the same time. We continued on with me speed-walking and Elaine encouraging me not to crap my pants (even though apparently I would have joined a very exclusive club had that occurred).

Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. Elaine shoved her bike at me and told me to ride like the wind. I didn’t want to just leave the bike outside Starbucks because I was afraid it would walk away, but she told me it would be fine. We were still about 3/4 of a mile out. I finally hopped on and took off as the alternative to not borrowing Elaine’s bike was out of the question. I realized then as I tried to pedal how much taller Elaine is than me. I literally could not sit on the seat and pedal. Even using my tiptoes was not an option. I had to pedal like a little kid, standing up.

It was quite the sight! Me on a too-tall bike with a water belt strapped to my waist, my braid flying out behind me with a panicked look in my eyes, manically trying to navigate the canal toward Starbucks. If only someone had been there with a video camera…

I got to Starbucks, leaned Elaine’s bike against the building, threw my belt on one of the outside tables, threw off the neon yellow gloves I was still wearing and dashed inside. Let’s just say I made it just in the nick of time and leave it at that. When I finally came out, Elaine had already made it and had sent Meredith a text to say we had to stop.

We hopped back on our route and headed off to finish the last 2 miles back to Meredith’s house. By this time I was dehydrated, my head was pounding, my stomach was still grumbling and I was very uncomfortable. I did try to make a valiant effort to run again, but it just wasn’t happening. I told Elaine I had to walk, so she got off her bike and joined me. I felt bad that she did that, but at the same time I was secretly glad. I kind of felt like passing out. I felt like I was drunk which was really weird. I haven’t had any alchohol since I started training in October.  It was hard to form a coherent thought and my body felt rubbery. We were about 3/4 of a mile from Meredith’s house when she said she was walking back to meet us. She had gotten home, grabbed a bottle of water and rushed back out. She was walking at that point as well, but she had just ran 20 miles so she was allowed. Rob passed us in his truck on the way back to his house, and he honked and waved.

Thats when finally, I started to let that damn doubt creep in. Even after everything I had just been through and the way I was feeling,  I was ashamed I was walking. Then I started to think about the fact that I just ran the majority of a 20 mile training run, I didn’t give up, and I was going to finish.  I may be walking, but I was going to finish. It took me about 4 hours and 25 minutes but I forgot to stop my watch during at one of the bathroom breaks so I’m not for sure what my “unofficial, official” time was.

So that’s the story of my longest training run. It wasn’t pretty but I got through it. I was hurting by the time I finished though. I don’t know if I could’ve done 6 more miles in the condition I was in. I won’t sugar-coat it, I felt horrid. Every part of me ached and I was miserable.

Later on that week though I did a 5 mile training run that went much smoother. It almost rejuvinated me. As I was nearing the end of that run, I got to the corner of a major intersection. I needed to cross to get to my Weight Watchers meeting but realized I needed a little over a quarter-mile to get to the 5 mile mark. There is a tax preparation place in that little strip mall there, and they’ve had people standing out on the corner with signs, dressed like Uncle Sam and Lady Liberty.

The GUY that was dressed as Lady Liberty had headphones on and I was watching him as I ran toward the corner. He was in his own little world, just dancing away. I admired his free spirit. He made me smile! He caught my eye, did a crazy little hip roll thing (not sure what that was, but I’m going with: it matched the beat of the song he was listening to), then he leaned over to press the walk button for me to get the light to change. I needed to run that extra quarter of a mile so I had decided rather than crossing I was going to turn the corner and run to the next light there and then double back. As I nodded thanks and smiled at him he held up his hand. Without thinking about it, I gave him a very enthusiastic high-five and kept going. I’m not sure if he meant for me to high-five him, but I did it anyway and I’ve got to say it kind of made that run a little more fun. I get to say I high-fived Lady Liberty, I don’t think many people can say that!

I’ve decided that in my Jamie running world,  in addition to people just randomly handing me cups of water on my runs, people should also be holding up silly encouraging signs and giving me high-fives. It would make the time go by faster and give me something to look forward to. Oh and I’d be able to eat chocolate at the end of every run and not gain weight.

Coming soon…The Lost Dutchman Half-Marathon…My final Short Run…and Panic Mode

4 MORE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And just because I like to post pictures…

 

Running With Doubt

It’s been an emotional day for me already and it’s only 6am.I spent about 15 minutes crying like a baby in my car in front of Meredith’s house this morning. I don’t like to cry, it doesn’t happen often, but when I do, it’s like a tidal wave. It’s not pretty. Blotchiness, snot, and heaving breaths occur. I am not an attractive crier.

Exactly one month from today I will be running my first marathon! That is crazy. I didn’t think this day would ever get here, and now that it is I kind of wish I had more time. Between injuries and illnesses I feel like I didn’t get to train very well, and would like to have more time. I guess I will just have to use this marathon as “the time to beat” and train for my next one a little smarter!

I’ve been having some stomach issues for the last few days. There appears to be something going around school. It’s crazy. I didn’t miss any school last year at all due to illness. As far as my bronchitis issues were concerned, last year was very mild. This year it seems as though I’ve been hit with every bug going around, and hit full force! You would think with my training and all the vitamins I take and my (mostly) healthy eating, I’d be in tip-top shape!  Anyway I was kind of iffy about our training run this morning as last night I was in some serious pain from my stomach. You know when I have no desire to eat anything, there is something wrong. I’m always in the mood for food.

My alarm went off at 3:45am this morning and I could tell my stomach still had that ‘full’ feeling. It’s uncomfortable and I knew that after 7 miles there would be no bathroom around should the need arise. I sent a text to Meredith saying I wasn’t coming. I didn’t want to take a chance. I dozed off for a few minutes and somehow managed to have a dream that I was frustrated about my training (gee where did that come from?). I woke up really pissed, and sent Mer a text back saying: “Nevermind. I’m really pissed. I’m getting ready”. It was only about 4 am at this point so I knew I had time. She wanted to get out the door before 5.

I quickly got ready and headed over. She only lives about 10 minutes from me, but by the time I got there my stomach was starting to make noise. We got ready, Elaine got on her bike and we took off. Apparently Meredith had her Wheaties this morning because she took off like her pants were on fire. She was running a really fast pace. Faster than normal. I was struggling to keep up, and with not feeling well on top of that, it was very frustrating. I looked at my Garmin and my pace was significantly faster than the norm, so I didn’t even want to imagine what she was running.

I was lagging behind for most of the run. There was one point where either she slowed way down, or I caught up because I was right behind her, but then she took off on me again. The farther I ran, the more my stomach hurt. It felt like it was swelling up like a balloon. It was very uncomfortable to run and was messing with my normal cadence. After last weeks euphoric run, this was a complete 360 and contributed to my frustration.

We neared Meredith’s house, which is usually the 3.5 mile marker to end our loop. Usually we end up stopping for a few minutes to get water, use the restroom, whatever. Meredith just blew right past the house and kept going. I myself was in need of water so I stopped. By the time I looked up she was gone. I decided to call it a day then. I have no idea where she was running to, as the route varies from week to week, I felt like crap, I was starting a serious pity party. It just wasn’t happening this morning. Elaine came out of the house (she had stopped to grab Meredith’s sunglasses) and I told her I lost her and I was going to call it a day. She even remarked how fast Meredith was running today and said she would find her and tell her I was going. She took off, I grabbed my bag out of Meredith’s truck and proceeded to have a 15 minute meltdown in my car.

I think it all just hit me. In 30 days I will be running a marathon. The last six months of my life have revolved around this day. My training hasn’t exactly been going according to plan. With every set-back I felt more frustration. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had days where I just know that I can do this. Last week I was primed and ready to run the 18 miles, but Mother Nature had other plans apparently. Today is just one of those days where I feel like a big fat loser. I don’t feel well, my body is fighting me every step of the way,  and I’m a little over-whelmed. Pity part, table for one? Today pushed me over the very delicate edge I’ve been balancing.

I’ve been going on and on about this marathon and have been making such a big deal out of it to my friends and family. I’ve been afraid no one will come cheer me on, now I’m afraid they will. What if they see that I’m just an average person?  That I’m not a ‘real’ runner, that I don’t have a runners body, I certainly don’t have a “runners pace”. It’s going to take me longer than the majority of the participants to even finish. What if I can’t finish? What if all my hard work is for naught? My literal blood, sweat, and now my tears?

Am I starting to freak out a little? You bet your ass I am. I am running with doubt right now. She is whispering all these things in my ear that I’ve been trying really hard to ignore, but have been getting louder and louder. This is the biggest thing I’ve ever tried to accomplish.

I’m petrified and doubting myself.

I know I need to find a way to snap out of this. I’ve managed to continue on with my training even with my multiple set-backs. I’ve always known I’m not going to be the fastest one out there. My goal is to finish. Okay I have two goals. I want to finish and not be the one the sweeper van is following. I don’t think I could handle the macabre image of a van looming behind me, waiting for me to fall so they can swoop me up and drop me off at the finish in a haze of failure.

I have come a long way in the last two years and I feel like this is the culmination of all my hard work and effort. I am probably putting too much pressure on myself, but that’s how I’m wired. I think I came out of the womb with a plan book and high expectations of myself.

As my friend Debi told me when she talked me down this morning, “Tomorrow is a new day. You did what you could today. You are strong, you are trained. You are determined. The marathon isn’t today. A mile is a mile, no matter how slow”. Debi can be very wise and supportive. It’s good to have people like that in your lives. Those are the people who can talk louder than doubt whispers.

Tomorrow is another day. I’m going to make it count.

Running Through Mother Nature’s Sprinklers and Adventures with Gummy Bears

The day of our insane 18 mile training run dawned bright and early. And by early I mean at the crack of dawn. The roosters that live across the street weren’t even up yet, that’s how early it was. I was up at 4:15am getting ready so I could be at Meredith’s at 5am. I was half-asleep but still managed to do this:

I’m actually pretty impressed with my half-asleep braiding skills. I decided to braid my hair because it was supposed to rain. The “supposed to” actually ended up be a for sure when I looked out the window. I was starting to re-think my clothing choice of a tank and running capri’s. It was forecasted to be 57 degrees at 5am. I was kind of worrying about the rain though, so I added a hat over the braid and one of my three black athletic jackets (one Under Armor and 2 Nike’s). I opted for the one jacket that has a pink “Just Do It” slogan on the front. I figured some color would be better than all black at 5am. Spare me the lecture, I know I need some brighter clothing or at least some more reflective gear. In all fairness my running pants had some reflective stripes on the side.

I was going to try something new in terms of fuel. I’m struggling to find something that works. I want to get all my experimenting out-of-the-way before the marathon. GU does not agree with my stomach. Honey Stinger is good, but it makes me thirsty. I had bought some Cliff Shot Blocks to try. I had read some people use Gummy Bears and Swedish Fish as fuel when they run.  I got curious so I compared a bag of Gummy Bears I happened to have on hand to the Shot Blocks. It was a very interesting comparison. The gummies had about 30 more calories, which to me is no big deal. The sodium content was a lot less (maybe there is a reason for the extra sodium I don’t know). The sugars were a little higher in the gummies, but were still pretty comparable to the Shot Blocks. The carbs were a comparable between the two, but the thing I found most interesting was that the Gummy Bears had protein and the Shot Blocks did not. I decided based on the protein, that I’d try the Gummy Bears and see how they did for me.

As I drove to Meredith’s through the rain, I was starting to doubt whether or not we should be out running in it. For one thing, I’m just getting over bronchitis. I ABSOLUTELY don’t want to get sick again and miss any more training. It was on the warm side though and the rain (at that point) wasn’t too terrible. It wasn’t a heavy rain, it was even lighter than a lawn sprinkler (which I haven’t gotten to run through in a while by the way). It was more like a misty rain. I was dressed appropriately after adding the extra clothing so I figured I’d be okay.

Meredith was dressed more or less the same as me, and Elaine (who was joining us on her bike again), was layered and had a pink poncho. We were set and ready to go! I was really nervous about running 18 miles but somehow it wasn’t stressing me out too bad that most likely we’d be running it all in the rain. My weather app said it would be raining all day. Arizona weather is generally unpredictable and I tend not to go off of the weather forecasts as they are more often wrong than they are right.

We have had the weirdest weather lately. It was 25 degrees the weekend I was in bed with the flu. It ended up being 80 degrees after we ran the PF Chang’s Half-Marathon. This day it was about 60 and raining. No wonder everywhere you go sounds like a TB ward. Everyone is getting sick from the yo-yo weather!

I was actually enjoying running in the rain, for the first two miles anyway. It was nice and cool, the rain was keeping me energized (I get oddly hyper when it rains…probably because it happens so little here), and I was not having any breathing issues. After the third mile, Meredith and I were getting some plyometrics in with our run by jumping over the puddles that were quickly forming. The rain had started coming down a little harder, but nothing we couldn’t handle. Around mile 4, Mother Nature decided we needed a little more challenge and turned on the waterworks a little harder. It wasn’t a full-out downpour, but I was starting to look around for Noah and his animals and ask if I could hitch a ride on the ark.

We were running pretty smoothly through all this. Our pace was slower than normal (which I was actually secretly enjoying), but we were steady. I was actually pretty proud of myself. I hadn’t had to stop and use my inhaler, or stop and walk, or stop and bitch about the rain. I wasn’t feeling fatigued at all or like I was dying of thirst. I was in the zone and loving it.  I was starting to think it may be a wonderful thing if it rains during the marathon. Maybe rain is my thing. I run through sprinklers all the time. Maybe I need to have water constantly on me! Maybe I’m some kind of running Gremlin!

Around mile 7 I was starting to re-think the whole being in love with the rain thing I had going on. I started to have a major headache brewing. I generally get headachy when the barometric pressure is in full force. Meredith and I had both at this point run through not one or two, but several puddles. The funny thing is we had both been trying to avoid some other puddles and ended up soaking wet anyway. Even though the streets had drains, it was raining faster than what the drains could handle and the “puddles” were slowly growing wider and deeper and protruding out into the middle of the roads. It was also becoming impossible to run on the sidewalks as they were also filled with puddles and were becoming slick.

Meredith indicated she needed to make a stop at the house and I gratefully agreed. I needed to take something for my head and needed the restroom. It doesn’t pay to have a bladder the size of a walnut when you are a runner. We headed to her house just at the right moment as the rain once again picked up some more force. I knew I was wet. Duh I’m out running in the rain like a moron (we did not see one soul on the road during any of this time by the way…I guess most sane people have the sense to stay in out of the rain). Rain had been steadily dripping off of the brim of my (also black but also reflective) hat, and my jacket was dotted with water that was still beading up.

I didn’t realize how wet I was until I got into Meredith’s bathroom. I was looking at the faucets trying to figure out where the dripping sound was coming from, when I looked down and saw the puddle at my feet. I was soaked and never realized it. I’ve never gone deep-sea fishing, scuba diving, or done any other activity that would require a wet suit; but I imagine peeling off and then putting back on a wet suit would very closely resemble what I went through while trying to use the facilities. I really hadn’t felt as though my clothes were that wet, until I was someplace dry. It was ridiculous how much effort it took to get everything back to rights.

I headed back outside to wait for Meredith and Elaine. I had taken some ibuprofen and was out at the back of Meredith’s truck where we had set our water bottles. I was standing out in the rain like a doofus when Meredith called me over to where she and Elaine were standing, sheltered from the storm. She asked me if I thought we should continue our run. Automatically I answered “sure”. She gave me a look that was almost comedic. She was sure I would say something to the effect of “Let’s call it a day” or ” yes, please”. Instead I was gung-ho and ready for more. Like I said earlier, I was in the zone.

We discussed it under the protection of her front doorway and decided to run a few more miles to make an even 10. We are supposed to have a ‘step back’ week next week and only run 14 miles. We decided to just add the extra four miles and make next week our 18 instead and use this as our step back. With that settled, we headed back out into the rain to finish our run.

About 3/4 of the way through our next mile (and after wading through yet another puddle) by some unspoken agreement, Meredith and I slowed down to a walk. At that point I think we had both come to a few conclusions.  I had realized one of my headphones had shorted out. I have no idea how long I ran before noticing it, or if it had shorted out when we had gone into the house. I don’t buy really expensive headphones (even though the cords drive me insane) thankfully so I wasn’t too upset, but running with only one ear bud working was making me feel off-balance. We both also realized stopping to use the restroom had been a mistake. Putting wet clothing back on makes it almost impossible to get it back into the right places (uncomfortable!), both of our shoes and socks were soaking wet (can you say blister?), we were both cold all of a sudden, and had we not stopped; we probably would have plodded on and continued on our wet way.

We also realized, had we continued our run, we would have ended up running in a canal area with no shelter, no lighting (it was still dark out due to the heavy clouds), and in dangerous conditions. As we walked back to Meredith’s house the sky opened up and it began to pour. Elaine had already headed back. She wanted to go home and take a hot shower before our Weight Watcher’s meeting. Dave had decided to cut his walk short as well and had already headed home. Both of us were glad we decided to cut it short. Maybe my headache and both of our bladders were a sign to get us to stop and think about what we were doing.

Luckily I had over-packed my backpack with clothes in an effort to be covered for all contingencies. I had extra underthings, a pair of sweats, my hot pink compression socks, and a t-shirt. Meredith threw my sopping wet jacket in the dryer. We both laughed when I took it off and handed it to her. It must’ve weighed at least 15 pounds. At some point my jacket stopped repelling the water and started soaking it in. The only thing I messed up on was the shoes. I had packed a pair of flip-flops and no extra sneakers. My feet were freezing so there was no way I was about to relinquish my socks. I ended up making a fashion statement by wearing the compression socks with my flip-flops. It was very attractive I assure you (not).

To make a long story short (too late I know), we went to the Weight Watchers meeting and then went and had some yummy bagels for breakfast. I headed home for my own hot shower and the possibility of a nap. 4:15 is waaay to early for me. On my way home I saw something that literally made me laugh out loud. A guy was out walking his dog in the rain. The poor thing looked miserable. I swear the dog kept shooting glances at his owner (who had a big cheesy grin on his face by the way). The dog would look at him, and walk a few feet, then look at him again as if to say, “Really? You are walking me in this? Just take me home already”. You had to see it to believe it. I wish I had a faster reaction time and I would’ve tried to get a picture of it.

It was about 11am when I finally made it home. It had been raining for hours. As I pulled into the driveway I received an alert on my phone from my weather app. Mesa was under a flood warning. I had to laugh until I saw the backyard:

It’s been raining ever since. I wonder how the weather will be for next Saturday? It seems like for these long runs, we are always in for something odd…

Recovery Run and Gummy Bears

Saturday couldn’t come fast enough for me! One of my favorite things about running a race (besides the actual running part…and the medal of course!) is the expo beforehand! Not all races have expos. Generally it’s a ‘packet pick-up’ thing. Only the big races have an actual expo, and often (here in Arizona at least), we have to wait months before the big ones come. This race with PF Chang’s Rock and Roll Marathon so it was a big one! Thus the excitement! It had slowly been building in me since December when I realized my next half-marathon was only a month away.  I was twitter-pated all week waiting for Saturday to come.

I adore a good expo! I love the excitement that’s brewing among my fellow runners. I love being able to see runners of all shapes, nationalities, ages, and skill-levels. At the expo we are not separated by being an elite athlete or a beginner. We are there for one common purpose: to pick up our race numbers and swag bag! We can all partake in the multitude of booths that are strategically placed around the convention center. We learn about other upcoming races and think to ourselves, “I want to do this one!” and vow to sign up as soon as we get home. We listen in rapture as vendors hock their wares and try to convince us why their earphones are better than the ones being sold across the hall, or why their sports drink is healthier and aides in faster recovery. We learn about new products or running clubs we have not previously been familiar with. We have the opportunity to stock up on fuel, clothing, accessories, and running related merchandise that, in reality we can purchase any day of the year either in a store or on-line. Purchasing these items at an expo however makes them seem more…mystical… magical even! For example: Buying a great pair of moisture-wicking socks at an expo versus buying them at the local running store (even though there is a good chance the local running store is the one selling them at the expo) means those socks will help lead you to greatness!

Okay maybe I’m the only one that feels this excited about a running expo (nerd alert!), but I do love me a good expo!! I consider it a success when I find something I can purchase to take home that is another example of my love of running. I do have to admit that some of my favorite vendors I was looking forward to seeing were not represented. Apparently the Tinkerbell Half-Marathon in California was also the same weekend and vendors had to choose (boo!) I won’t name them, but they know who they are…

My expo find of the day

But anyway…a good time was had by all at the expo. I picked up my number, shirt and swag bag, managed to restrain myself and come home with only one good find, and was ready for the next morning!

I was actually up and raring to go when my alarm went off at 5am. I was nervous the night before and kept waking up. I was worrying about my current lung issues and how they would affect me. I kept dreaming the sag wagon was following behind, trying to pick me up. I ate half a bagel with peanut butter, drank a full bottle of water, taped myself up and got ready to go.  I normally don’t allow myself to drink much water before a race but I woke up parched. I knew I didn’t have enough water the day before even though I tried to hydrate like crazy. Seems these antibiotics I’m still rocking make me very thirsty. I would come to regret the water decision later. I needed to be at Meredith and Dave’s by 6:30 so we could meet up with some other people and take the Metro light rail into Tempe so we wouldn’t have to worry about parking.

We picked a great time to get to the race! I had just enough time to leave my sweats at the gear check that it turned out I didn’t need, because it ended up being about 70 degrees by the time we finished the race. We walked to the corrals and they started the national anthem. Perfect timing! It went so much smoother than last year! The organizers were smart and moved the corrals to the other side of the light rail tracks. Last year the waves took forever because we had to keep waiting for the trains to go by! This time there was maybe a minute between corral starts. Of course by the time my corral got closer to the start, that bottle of water hit me full on. I looked over at the porta-potties that were near the start. There was still a line even though there were about 12 of them, and I was afraid I’d miss our start, so I opted to just hold it for as long as I could.

They called our corral and off we went! I love the excitement of the start! Everyone is bright-eyed, full of energy, eager, and most are sporting big cheesy grins! It was a little chilly so many of us were layered up. From the first corral to just past the start you could see piles of clothing people had shed. There were jackets, sweatpants, hats, gloves, even blankets and trash bags (I don’t really see how a trash bag is supposed to  keep you warm, but it would be a cheaper alternative than throwing away actual warm clothing) littering Mill Avenue. It was a sight to behold! I love that everything that gets tossed, gets donated. It makes me feel better about tossing a sweatshirt and gloves, because I know it will get put to good use!

I don’t know how the other Rock and Roll half-marathons are in other states (this is the only one I have run), but here in Arizona there are live bands, DJ’s, cheerleaders, and other supporters lining the route. It truly is awesome and humbling at the same time to think strangers are cheering for  and supporting people they don’t even know! As the miles clicked by I was enjoying the entertainment and reading all of the signs people were holding. Some of them made me literally laugh out loud: “Is that a leg cramp, or are you happy to see me?” There was a guy who looked naked holding a large sign that read, “Keep running or I drop the sign”. I was also keeping my eye out for the lines at the porta-potties. There were anywhere from  2-6 at every mile (more near the water stations), but it seemed like they all had ginormous lines. The farther I ran, the more my bladder was insisting I needed to make a pit stop. I tried to ignore it and concentrate on my music and feet for as long as I could.

I did okay for the first 4 miles or so. I kept the 2:45 pacer behind me (he was literally speed-walking instead of running). I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty since I was recovering from the flu and bronchitis, but I still wanted to try my best. My chest started loosening up after those first 4 miles however and then (grossness alert) I started coughing crap up. I won’t go into too much detail, but lets just say I’m not a “spitter”. I see people spit all the time when they run and it seriously makes me want to gag. So needless to say, by mile 5 I was alternately coughing, choking, and trying to clear my throat because every time I took a deep breath, I’d get that bronchial purr in my chest and have to cough. This went on for a few more miles until I was distracted by my bladder, that was by then, insistently letting me know I needed to stop sooner rather than later. I came just past the relay hand-off and saw a porta-pottie tucked behind a dumpster. There were only about 4 people in line so I made the decision to stop. It was the shortest line I had seen all day.

I don’t know what those people were doing in there…I don’t want to know, but I swear each person that went in, took their time. I looked around in aggravation (after wishing I had male equipment that allowed me to just go in a bush or behind a building) and noticed a row of porta-potties about a hundred feet away. I quickly sprinted over there. I had wasted about 5 minutes already waiting at the single bathroom and didn’t want to waste anymore time. The lines were longer, but each line serviced four different bathrooms, so It went a lot more quickly than the other one had. While I was waiting in line I looked at the runners coming up behind me, to see the speed-walking pacer for 2:45 blow past. That really pissed me off. If I hadn’t had to go so bad at that point, I would have said screw it and caught up with him just on general principal.

Aside from the fact that I felt totally disgusted and like I was covered in germs when I was finished, I was a happy camper with a now empty bladder. No more water for me before races. I’ve never had to stop before and I don’t want to do that again. That was such a huge time-waster! I tried my best to catch up with my speed-walking nemesis, but to no avail. He was lost to me by then.

The rest of the course went by relatively smoothly. I ended up switching to a run/walk due to the increasing bouts of coughing. I ran all the downhills which, as you already know dear reader, are my favorite. I also managed to run when I saw all of the uber-handsome firefighters and EMT’s lining the course. I wouldn’t want them to see me walking. That just wouldn’t be right. Finally the end was in sight and I ran it in as best I could. Even though I had both earphones in (I usually take one out to hear), I heard someone yelling my name. It was Meredith! I knew she would finish ahead of me and I was excited to have her there cheering me in!

I really need to work on my finish. At every race there are photographers along the course and at the end. At every race I’ve run, I always look the same at the finish.  Both of my arms are up in the air in victory, but my head is down like I’m looking for something I’ve dropped. It makes no sense, I don’t do it on purpose, that’s just how it turns out. Maybe I should set up a mock finish line in the backyard and practice. I could have the family come out there during Sunday dinner and tell me which finish they like the best, and offer critiques and suggestions and take pictures so I can judge for myself.

I won’t post a picture of it…you can’t see my face anyway since I’m apparently so in love with the ground. Here is a picture after I finished however:

That’s my “I’m really hot and tired and just ran 13.1 miles after being in bed for 6 days and not running for about 10 days so just take the picture already” look. I was tired but happy.

I knew it was going to be warmer than last weekend (we were actually in the 20’s), but I didn’t realize it would be as warm as it was. I was regretting the capri-pants and t-shirt. I should have opted for a tank and shorts instead but the morning was a lot cooler.

I know I’m more critical of myself than I should be, but I really was dissappointed in my time. It was not as bad as it could have been given the circumstances, but it was not as good as I had hoped. My little 10 minute (give or take) potty break didn’t help. My time was 19 minutes slower than last year. I had hoped to beat it this year. Of course I didn’t plan on getting the flu and bronchitis a week before the race either. Oh well. I still have The Lost Dutchman half-marathon next month to make up for it.

We got a free beer after the race. I’m not a big beer fan by any stretch of the imagination. A guy I dated for a minute tried to ‘teach’ me to drink beer, but I’ve never really acquired the taste. I don’t hate it, but I don’t love it either and given the option I will order a mixed drink instead. Free beer is free beer though. I had a sip of mine and gave it to Dave since his ended up knocked over on the ground.

Here are Meredith and I enjoying our reward at the end:

Meredith was very smart with her clothing choices unlike me.

After we slowly made our way back to the light rail we ended up going to lunch. We were all starving at that point. I was hangry (that’s when you’re so hungry you are angry), headachy and starting to get a little nauseous. Meredith and Dave decided to take me to one of their favorite places. I had never been there before. It’s an italian place called Venezia’s. I wasn’t sure how pizza would sit on my stomach right after running a half-marathon, but considering I was about to pass out from hunger, I agreed.

Oh.  My. Gosh. Their pizza is like what I would imagine pizza in heaven to taste like! I ordered two slices of pepperoni and a garden salad not realizing how big the slices were. Dave warned me they were big, but I had no idea! I ended up eating my salad, one piece of pizza and the cheese and pepperoni off the last slice. There was no sense wasting the good stuff. I don’t know how many points plus those slices were and I’m honestly afraid of calculating them. I just scrapped my 49 weekly points and called it good just in case.

Here is a picture of one of the slices next to my hand ( which really doesn’t do it justice)just so you can get a visual:

Ignore the tomato underneath my hand. That came from the salad. I am not a tomato person.

I think I will have to return to Venezia’s very soon and sample some of their other food. It was delicious! Afterwards we drove to Golden Spoon for some frozen yogurt. We were all stuffed from lunch so we got it to go. I love Golden Spoon. I haven’t really been to any other frozen yogurt places because there aren’t many on this side of town, but you have to trust me when I say it’s yummy!

I also have a confession to make. I’ve never done this before. I can usually control myself because it’s not normally a food I have issues with, but later that night (after I had already consumed my frozen yogurt that I had stuck in the freezer), I ate a whole bag of gummy bears while watching Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix. It was one of those little .99 bags, but still… I had seen them at Quick Trip and grabbed them without thinking. They were good too… Just out of curiosity am I the only one who eats all the “colors” I like the least first so I can enjoy my favorites at the end?

All in all, it was a great day with some good friends! I got a shiny new medal to add to my collection. I can now say I ran a half-marathon while recovering from bronchitis. (Yes I am that much of a rock star). I got some color in my face (how could I not while running 13.1 miles in 70 degree weather), and got some much-needed exercise. I probably should have eased back into running but I wanted to try to recover as much as I could before the half. Most importantly I had fun! By the time I got home I was tired from all the days activities, but extremely happy. I love running and I love what it does for me both mentally and physically. Although I tend to beat myself up about my performance from time to time, I really enjoy going out there and doing my best. I always finish my runs feeling more alive, centered, and at peace than I did before…

The Only Thing That’s Been Running is my Nose

A week later I am still battling this bronchial nightmare that settled in to roost in my chest. I finally finished the steroid and still have about 4 days of my antibiotic left. I feel better than I did which is a blessing. No longer do I have the chills, a sore throat, fever, runny nose or achy body. I can breathe a lot better than I could this time last week, that’s for sure! I’m still coughing this horrible hacking cough that I’m sure is making people wonder if either I’m a two pack a day smoker or if I’ve come into contact with an infected monkey (yes, I made the mistake of watching both Outbreak and The Stand while I was suffering from my bout with the flu this weekend).

I had a coughing fit at school the other day that freaked out my students. They kept asking me if I was okay and shouting suggestions at me: “Go get a drink of water”, “She doesn’t need a drink of water she’s choking on snot, she needs to blow her nose”, “Go get a cough drop from the nurse”, “Do you want me to hit you on your back? That’s what my mom does”, “Call 9-1-1 I think she’s dying”. If I hadn’t been struggling to breathe I would have laughed, they were so concerned it was so funny. Luckily that was my only major coughing fit and it’s been manageable so far. It’s parent/teacher conference week however so I’ve been making a good impression by hacking all over the parents that came for their conference. Everyone has this bug though apparently so they were used to it.

Needless to say my training has been put on hold this week which is really annoying and frustrating. Of course now, when it’s getting tougher, I must have a set-back. My dad always did tell me I can’t ever do anything the easy way. Maybe it will help my sense of accomplishment because I will have had to work twice as hard to make it! (Stranger things have happened). I was supposed to run 16 miles Saturday ,but that went out the window when I could barely get out of my bed that day. Also based on the fact that my nose is still stuffed, I get winded walking up the stairs and the delightful cough keeps making it’s appearance, I haven’t run at all this week either. Oh, did I forget to mention I’m supposed to run PF Chang’s Rock and Roll 1/2 Marathon in 2 days??? At this rate I’m going to be walking a lot of it which is frustrating me to no end.

The Rock and Roll 1/2 was the first half I ever completed last year (thanks to my friend Debi who basically signed me up and said, “Oh by the way, you’re doing this). I was hoping to try for a PR for this race. It’s kind of looking like that is not going to happen. I started to get really negative, whiny, and (to be honest) a little bitchy about it. I was complaining to some of my friends (and lets be honest, anyone who would listen),  and I stopped and listened to myself. I was annoying even me! It’s not like me getting hit with the flu (and having crappy lungs thrown into that mix) is under any part of my control. I can only do what I can do. I hate to say it, because the expression drives me bonkers, but; it is what it is. I can’t do anything about being sick but I can control my reaction to it and instead of pouting on the sidelines I can go on Sunday with my friends and do my best. Even though I hate having to walk, I’m not going to push myself and make myself sicker 6 weeks before my full marathon. I’m going to go have fun and do the best that I can. I may need to take some tissue with me.

I ordered my new shoes from Roadrunner Sports on Monday. I went in there with a coupon and a $50 gift card I received for Christmas, looking for my marathon shoes. They say to have 300-400 miles on your shoes before getting new ones. I’m still amazed at the fact that I have that many miles on my current pair! They have been really good shoes for me. I love running shoes. I love the way the look on both men’s and women’s feet, I love the colors, I love the styles, I love the idea of them. I am always very envious when I see someone wearing awesome brightly colored shoes. If I could afford it, I would have about 25 pairs. I would have one in every flourescent color known to man, I’d have them to match specific outfits, I’d even have some just to wear for fun! Unfortunately for me I’m an “over-pronator”. This means when I run my feet have an excessive inward roll when I land. This causes all kinds of injuries such as shin splints, plantar facitis, knee pain, etc. I have to wear what they call a stability shoe. The Shoedog  at Roadrunner always puts me in a stability “plus” shoe. This is supposed to help with my overpronation. What it really means is…ugly shoes.

Okay I shouldn’t say “ugly”. It’s not nice. It’s not the shoes fault it has been developed more for support than looks. I always envy those women have the most fun, bright and awesomely comfortable looking shoes. I’ve tried several different brands of ‘stability’ shoes and it all comes down to one thing: Function over Fun. They are not the cutest shoes in the world. I really don’t know why a shoe manufacturer has not been able to develop an awesome stability shoe. I mean seriously, they try their best and have the cool colors mixed in with either the dark grey or silver mesh that is the tell-tale look of a support shoe, but why do they have to go with the mesh every single time? Why can’t they take the look of one of the “cool” shoes and add stability?? Every running shoe I have owned has been grey with a color accent. Grey with green, grey with blue, grey with pink…you get the picture.

So I was kind of sad when once again, I went to find a new shoe and was faced with limited choices. I was excited about this shoe (have I mentioned I love running shoes?). This shoe is supposed to be my Marathon shoe. This shoe will be a part of my running history. It will help guide and support me through 26.2 miles. It will be a part of my success story! Yes, I realize I was probably a little too over-invested in picking out a new running shoe, but once again…I really love running shoes.

Sadly I did not find one I absolutely loved. I tried on several pair. The awesome thing about Roadrunner Sports (aside from Shoedog and the really cool, super-helpful, friendly and knowledgeable staff) is that they carry almost every brand of running shoe you can imagine. It’s not like my choices were limited to a certain few brands. Unfortunately every brand apparently (and this is just my own opinion from my observations from shoe shopping and doesn’t mean it’s necessarily true), basically has designed their stability shoes the same way. They aren’t cute and they aren’t fun. They are a functional shoe trying to be a cool shoe with some hip colors or designs thrown in. (You’ll see what I mean below). I knew I needed shoes however. I could feel the fact that I had used and abused my current shoes the last few times I ran. I needed to get a new pair to be able to break them in before the big day arrives. I found a pair I could tolerate (I looked for the most obnoxiously bright colors I could find), and had to order them because they didn’t have my size in stock. Bummer #2.

I am not a patient person. I don’t like having to order things and wait for them to come to me. It was after 5pm and the really nice guy who was helping me informed me the shoes would probably not ship until the next day because it was so late. I had ordered some compression socks around Christmas time that took over a week to get to me so I was anticipating a long wait for delivery. I had been hoping to be on the mend from my lungs and be able to run a few miles in them this week. No such luck.  I sighed and held back my frustration and had him go ahead and order them.

By the time I got home I had received an email saying they were ready to ship! It amazed me they had my order pulled and ready for FedEx so quickly. By the next morning they were already in Phoenix with a scheduled delivery date of today! I didn’t bank on it as with the compression socks they said they were in Phoenix for about 4 days before it showed “out for delivery”. I checked my email after school today and they had already been delivered to the house! I was floored! From order desk to my front door in 3 days time. Once again, I love Roadrunner and their service!

When I got home I immediately ripped open the box and had to play with them like a kid on Christmas. I knew for some reason I really wanted to write about my new shoes today. New shoes and new running gear energize me. They pump me up and motivate me I think. If it were possible, I could spend a small fortune on running baubles and doo-dads. I took a few pictures of my new shoes so you could see what I’m talking about with the ‘mesh’ look. These shoes are a little different because this time they are more of a black mesh rather than a sliver. I know they are for running and it’s not a fashion show, that I should not care so much what my shoes look like as long as they are what is best for my feet; but can you blame me for wanting to have cute feet? I will say this: if some shoe company some day made an awesome stability shoe with the looks to match, I’d be all over it!

These are the Asics Gel Kayano 19’s
(note the ‘meshy’ look in and around the pink design. Blech)

I had to add the 26.2 sticker for artistry. I’ve had it sitting on my shelf since September. I refuse to put it on my car until the deed is actually done.

PS I’m really excited about the expo for the Rock and Roll 1/2 on Saturday. I may just have a heart attack when I walk into that room full of pop-up tents and eager vendors.

Finding My Mojo (Part 2) and January Joiners

To continue from where my last post left off, a quick summary…(quick for me anyway).

I was fat. I’m not going to sugar coat it. I was fat, not overweight, nor was I pleasantly plump or ‘could stand to lose a few pounds’. I look at my ‘before’ picture from my last post and the first thing that comes to mind is someone stuck a bicycle pump in my mouth and blew me up. (I have found that being brutally honest with myself helps keep destructive behavior at bay.) It’s not being negative, it’s reality. It is what it is. So I was fat. I decided something had to be done. I felt like crap and I was miserable. I started participating in a weight-loss challenge at school and I joined Weight Watchers all in the same week. This was when Weight Watchers was just rolling out the Points Plus program. I found a meeting I liked, a leader that was supportive and was on my way.

And now you’re caught up to where I left off yesterday. The first month of the program was brutal. It was a complete change in eating habits. I am a very picky person. I don’t like most vegetables. Cooked veggies generally displease me. I don’t think they should be mushy and melt in your mouth. Veggies need to be crisp and fresh.  In the last two years I’ve learned to eat broccoli and carrots steamed as long as they aren’t too cooked. More recently I’ve decided I can tolerate onions in moderation and only if they are mixed in with something else. Most of the fruits and veggies I do eat are in the raw form. I don’t think fruits and vegetables should be mixed so I don’t eat fancy salads that have fruit on them. Apples in salad make no sense to me. I can tolerate shrimp, lobster and crab; but I abhor most seafood. Fish tastes fishy to me and my palate cannot stand it. My aunt and uncle have gotten me to try tilapia, which I can usually choke down as it’s not too  ‘fishy’ of a  fish. I can’t do salmon. It tastes like the ocean. Needless to say sushi is completely out. I have many other food issues as I’m sure you’ll discover if you stick with me for a while.

Needless to say the whole “healthy eating” thing was a shock to my system. I stuck with it however and tried my best. Forgive the expression and for lack of a better term, I became a food Nazi. I worked program like my life depended on it. I suppose in a lot of ways it did. I ate my daily points, I got all of my healthy checks in (minus the oil. I never used it before Weight Watchers so I opted to not start using it), I did not allow myself to have ‘snacks’ that did not consist of something healthy, and I made sure I went to the gym at least 5 days a week. I was a little out of control to be honest. When I made up my mind that this is what I wanted to do, I gave it 120% which may have been a little overboard. I didn’t have amazing numbers on the scale. It was slow going. I started to get frustrated when I’d only lose a pound or .6. I talked to Debi about it, who at this point had become a friend in addition to being my leader. She reassured me that 1-2 pounds a week is average, healthy weight loss. She reiterated the fact that any loss, even .2 was still a loss and needed to be celebrated.

Then people started to notice. They would look at me funny for a week or so before asking , “Are you losing weight?” Upon investigation I discovered a lot of people are uncertain of asking a woman if she’s been losing weight because they aren’t sure how she will take it. I don’t know any woman personally that would be offended by that question. It made me feel good to know people were noticing and fueled my desire for change. Bored with the elliptical at the gym I stepped on the treadmill determined to run. After I flew off said tread mill the first time, I pushed on and started to really run. (for more about my beginning running check here)

I also started lifting weights. To be honest I felt pretty bad-ass. I may not have looked it, but at that time it was all about how I felt.  I was still overweight and out of shape, but I was getting there. The image of myself in my mind had changed from the Oompa Loompa to a girl who was working hard at change. Every once in a while I’d catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I’d see that sad, insecure girl peering back at me, but I would close my eyes until she went away. I was saying good-bye to that girl and didn’t want to see her again. (Just as a side-note, I really wish there were areas of my gym where you don’t have to stare at yourself in the mirror while you’re working out.). I even started smiling at people and making eye contact and walking around the gym like I had a right to be there.

Our three months of the weight-loss challenge was ending and once again we found ourselves at the YMCA for our final weigh-in and body-fat measurement. As a team we did really well. We had all lost some weight and some body fat. Yay team! I myself was pleased as I had set a private goal for myself and had achieved it. My hard work was paying off and I was down 25 pounds and had gone from 47% body fat to 31! It still wasn’t where I wanted to be, but it was a very good start. More people were noticing my efforts and commenting on it. The support and the cheers and compliments really helped to keep me motivated.

I continued to attend my meetings religiously every Wednesday no matter what. My mother passed away at the beginning of May in 2011. It was a very hard time for me, but I still continued to attend my meetings as at that point, Weight Watchers was the one thing I still had control over when everything else was very much out of control. (PS There will be a post coming soon about my mother and dragonflies so stay tuned). I ran my first 5k in November of 2011 and did better than I had hoped! I finally reached my goal weight, coming in two pounds below my goal of 135 pounds the week after I ran my 5K and 2 days after my 35th birthday. I had lost a total of 56 pounds!

Here is my “after” photo:

I really wish I still look like that.

Throughout my journey every once in a while people would ask me, “When are you going to eat normal again? You are so strict with yourself”. I kept answering, “This is a lifetime change.” They would respond with “A lifetime of denying yourself? No thanks”.  I shook it off at the time, but I really was being way to strict with myself. At that time I wouldn’t even eat a piece of chicken if it had barbecue sauce on it because I didn’t want to spend the points on sauce. I had also eaten the same lunch every day for almost a year. Two pieces of low-calorie bread with Boars Head low sodium chicken breast, mustard and lettuce, 20 baby carrots and 14 fat-free Pringle’s. I also would have a bottle of water. I had been an avid Pepsi drinker prior to joining Weight Watchers. I am talking at least a 6 pack total in one day. Breakfast, lunch, afternoon snack, when I’d get home from work, with dinner, and before bed. It was bad. I had switched to water on program because I really coud not stand most diet sodas. Iced tea was too hard to drink at work because to me iced tea has to be fresh and brewed. I can’t stand the canned kind or the fountain kind. (Eventually I discovered Diet Dr. Pepper so all was right with the world).

I started thinking maybe people had a point. I really was being too strict with myself. I vowed to loosen the reigns a little when I reached lifetime status and had my 6 extra maintenance points every day. I stayed strong through the holidays amazingly enough. I loosened the reigns a little so I could have my aunts stuffing of course, but skipped desert and all the extra goodies that come along with the holidays. Then in January something changed, I think that’s when I either started to lose, or completely lost my mojo.

At my meeting this last Wednesday Debi and I were talking about January Joiners. She asked me if I had been a January Joiner. I very proudly told her I was not a JJ and had actually joined the week before Christmas. January Joiners are resolution people for those of you who may or may not know. These are the people generate sales at sporting goods stores in January.  These are the people who always have the best intentions and vow to lose weight and get in shape for the new year. They join Weight Watchers, they start shopping the healthy aisles of the grocery stores, they join other weight loss programs (both online and in person), they go buy home gym equipment and hand weights,  and they clog the gyms. For about 2-3 months. Then the resolutions slowly fade away and real life takes over. I can freely say this as for one thing it’s true, and for another thing I admit I have been a January Joiner in the past. Maybe not to that extreme, but I’ve thought I’d start working out, or change my hair color, or stop drinking soda. Everyone makes resolutions but according to some of the sites I checked online, statistically on average only 8% of the people who make resolutions actually follow through and satisfy those resolutions. That’s kind of  a scary statistic. That’s why I don’t make resolutions anymore, I know personally I won’t follow through.

I am not going to blame January Joiners, but I am going to finally admit to myself and everyone else that I let myself use the January Joiners as an excuse. I went to the gym as I had been doing for the last year and walked into the sea of chaos that had become my gym. Normally the gym is a nice quiet retreat for me where I can push my body and ask it to do things it normally resists doing. I can always get a cardio machine, the classes aren’t so crowded you are going to step on someone (except for some of the yoga classes) and although I may have to wait for a weight machine, it is not for long or off-putting.  I kid you not when I say there was not one piece of cardio equipment available. Even the row of torturous stair-climbers that are generally sitting abandoned were all being utilized. There were children running around willy-nilly, people were standing around socializing while they waited for a machine and the noise level was almost intolerable. I turned around and walked out.

I vowed to go back in a week and see what the situation was. A week later it seemed almost more crowded if that was even possible. I went to a class I normally love attending and ended up so frustrated by rude, inconsiderate people. It was difficult to get a set of weights, people put their steps almost on top of mine instead of allowing for space for movement, and then had the nerve to complain there wasn’t enough equipment for everyone in the class and they were scrounging for mats and weights. Normally there is plenty of equipment when the fair-weather-gym-goers aren’t clogging the gym.

I will never understand why people will waste all that money trying to follow through on their resolutions and then just give up. If I’m going to invest my time and my money you bet I will be making it worth my while! Needless to say I became very frustrated and discouraged and apparently to spite myself , I stopped going to the gym. I promised myself I’d go back when the January Joiners were gone, but by then I started letting life get in my way, where previously I had worked around life’s little inconsistencies.

I had also stopped tracking my food (I fully believe I was so successful on the program because I tracked everything that went in my mouth), and was allowing myself a lot of leniency when it came to my food choices. I wasn’t eating nearly as bad as I had before, but my portion sizes were probably bigger what they should have been (I was also no longer weighing or measuring my food-I was convinced I had done it for so long I could eyeball it). I allowed myself more snacks and without tracking points, I was also eating more than my daily points allowance and my weekly points as well.

After I had run my first half-marathon (PF Chang’s Rock and Roll 1/2 Marathon), my body was so sore (not having run that far before), I sat on my ass for a week “recovering”. Then one week became two and then three. I struggled to get back into the swing of running when the inaugural Phoenix Marathon came up in March. It was the first year and they only had a half-marathon and a 10k. I wasn’t going to participate due to money constraints,  but an opportunity came up and I took it. I really struggled on that run and my foot was starting to hurt. By this time I was about 10 pounds over my goal weight.

During that run I promised myself I’d get under control again and take that 10 pounds off. Running was so much harder with the extra weight, even if it was only 10 pounds. I felt like I had bricks strapped to my feet.  I was in so much pain from my foot/Achilles/ankle/whatever thingie,  after the Phoenix half I sat on my butt again for 3 weeks. Then it got hot. It’s Arizona. Hot is an understatement. I would break out in a sweat just walking down the stairs.  I had no desire to run, nor did I want to go back to the gym to voluntarily sweat, even though it was 3 months past the January Joiners’ expiration date.

My mojo was gone. My motivation, my desire, my drive; all kaput. In October last year, I started running again with the motivation of the Phoenix Marathon. Although I’m running a lot more now, I still haven’t returned to the gym. I feel like I run so much I don’t want to ‘waste’ time at the gym. Not that the gym would be a waste of time, but I’m afraid the gym will deter my running. I know that makes no sense what-so-ever and I really am trying to sort it out in my head. Plus it’s January again and all the “resolutionists” are swarming.

I wasn’t going to weigh-in when I went to my meeting on Wednesday. I even signed in as a visitor and went and sat down. Something made me get up and get out my weight tracker and weigh in, even though I was wearing my favorite fuzzy socks, my heavy sweat pants and my Nike jacket. It was not pretty. I gritted my teeth, squeezed my eyes shut and dejectedly walked back to my seat. Debi said not a word. That’s why she’s a great leader and a good friend. She knew I’d be harder on myself and I wouldn’t need a lecture or a pep talk. During the meeting I had a long talk with myself. Silently of course.

As a lifetime member I only have to weigh in once a month. I have to stop doing that and pretend I’m on program as a regular member again. I am too far away from where I want to be.

Okay it is January, but this is not a resolution. This is more like resolve. I need to get my act together and find my mojo again. I am going to keep myself more accountable by weighing in every week and not using the once a month thing as a crutch. When I do weigh in once a month and see the numbers have gone up I tend to say “Oh, I’m retaining water”, “I just ran”, “It’s that time of the month”, etc. Now comes the brutal truth. I did not gain weight this week because I’m retaining water. I’m up on the scale because I’ve been binge eating chocolate covered marshmallow santa’s and Reece’s Peanut Butter Trees. (I love those guys).

I’m taking baby steps to get back to where I want to be. I’m not looking at how far I have to go to get back to goal, I am still holding on to how far I’ve already come and what I’ve accomplished.  I will try not to be a food Nazi again. I may have been too strict with myself in the beginning and that’s why I gave myself permission to stop tracking and splurge a little. I know weight-loss is a lifetime process. I don’t want to be a yo-yo person who goes up and down for the rest of my life; but like Debi said, I’m not ‘cured’. I like food and I like to eat. That won’t change. I didn’t get the way I was because I binged on broccoli and carrots. The rational part of me knows all these things, has known them since I strayed; but I’m having a tough time convincing the rest of myself…

Now I just have to find time in my running schedule to start weights again. Core strength will make me a better runner I know. I just have to figure out a way to deal with the January Joiners for a little while.